poemranker ::Driftwood by malakin

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Free verse № 1798

Driftwood

Member since 2002 · Posted 13 May 2002 · 7 comments

Sublte shadows of self-indulgence flicker throught the forge of my mind. The bellows inflate restlessly forever; they breathe the thoughts of what's to come. The flames rise and fall in time with my periods of stability. Always blowing into the wind but never going out for good. The steady fires of conformity are limited in their application, but a bonfire of self-will can inflame the whole of the world. Flames of passion, and ashes of regret all smolder among the coals of my mind; embers of intuition and blazes of creativity all burn quietly away without a worry. But, at the end of it all, quite like hearing a pin drop; the flames will be extinguished, and all the heat will dissipate. The cold pallor of escape will set in claiming me like all the rest. What will be left of me then but a scattering of ash? Will a small torch of remembrance burn on forever in my name, or will the fires cease altogether leaving me forgotten for all time? Somewhere in time yet to pass some obscure historian's pen may record my passing silently, but for me that's not enough. I want to blaze on forever, if only in the minds of a few, better than not at all. Would you remember me? Would you tend my fire? Add a piece of driftwood to the coals? Or would you bury and forget? Remember....

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7 comments

[5] anonymous 13-May-02/9:34 AM Reply
did you purposely forget how to spell?
[5] anonymous 13-May-02/10:08 AM Reply
Oh my GOD! I mispelled two words, sue me.. what's that got to do with the poem?
[5] anonymous 13-May-02/10:33 AM Reply
You know, this just doesn't work. There's too much going on. If this is really a poem about desiring immortality or some sort of remembrance - then you might want to focus on that. If this is a extended metaphor (over-extended in this case) about the fires of life - then stick to that. You build a foundation out of fire and then you douse it out with a watered down wimpering plea for remembrance. So until you re-write, this basically sucks.
[2] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 13-May-02/10:57 AM Reply
Well, it started badly, tailed off a little in the middle and the less said about the end the better. Apart from that I loved it!
[n/a] richa › -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 21-Nov-03/12:14 AM Reply
I read a poem the other day, about some guys sailing in a boat. Apparently one in a fit of excitement cut off his bum!

As a result the boat became marooned and the sailors died a slow death of starvation. That is all except for the one that chopped off his bum. He was made to spend eternity repeating his tired old comments and single joke.

Any ideas DA?
[4] -=SeTTle=- 13-May-02/5:11 PM Reply
Mr. Angel was that sarcasm?

Ms.(?) Malakin: Is this sarcasm?
[n/a] deleted user 29-Jul-02/10:13 PM Reply
nicely done