ecargo28 Dec 2002

You have some good stuff buried in here, but it's going to topple from the weight of all the extra words. Careful, too, of the contradictions--if the sun shows no sign of returning, why does it appear in S2? Lose some of the deadweight--concrete offers no shade/drought-dead trees bring no relief/ the stars have not been seen in years/coastline utopias (no asses)/complacent minds wobble and faith can't stop the change, etc. Work with the good stuff--but WORK with it. Good luck. This could be quite good.