poemranker ::suicide weather and dreary imaginings do no good by xanthippe

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Concrete № 32193

suicide weather and dreary imaginings do no good

Member since 2002 · Posted 28 Dec 2002 · 4 comments

frozen bridges give iffy security still rivers slow down birthing baracudas snow plathered hills threaten your shelter and the sun shows no sign of ever returning. sunlight heat reflecting hard concrete offers no shade drought-dead dehydrated trees cannot give backing overheating grunting enginecars bring no relief and the stars have not been out in years. sandbagged grey peopled walls can't stand attention coastline building utopias have no chance house made of glass, now looking like an ass and the storm is gaining strength. minds in comfortable complacency wobble faith in stability won't stop the change possessions dissipate like one's own self-respect and the world destroyed, perhaps ever resurrected.

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mean 4.42 weighted 4.57 rank 12586 views 202 View voting details →

12 votes so far. Yours would make 13.12 votes so far

4 comments

[2] wOrnella Mutiw 28-Dec-02/12:50 AM Reply
This is not a concrete......Don't waste our time and stick to pigeon watching, tractor driving and oreo eating....wait....these are Dan Garcia's activities....so maybe you can be the bathroom attendant...pass me moist towlette please...here's a quarter
[n/a] xanthippe › wOrnella Mutiw 28-Dec-02/1:19 AM Reply
wah wah wah?
[5] ecargo 28-Dec-02/12:38 PM Reply
You have some good stuff buried in here, but it's going to topple from the weight of all the extra words. Careful, too, of the contradictions--if the sun shows no sign of returning, why does it appear in S2? Lose some of the deadweight--concrete offers no shade/drought-dead trees bring no relief/ the stars have not been seen in years/coastline utopias (no asses)/complacent minds wobble and faith can't stop the change, etc. Work with the good stuff--but WORK with it. Good luck. This could be quite good.
[2] hipster flare 1-Oct-03/9:53 AM Reply
Oh yeah, that's concrete. looks like a jagged edged something.