anonymous19 Jun 2001

has a very personal feel -- the mention of the trampoline I think. Ditch "boredom poundnig/freedom knocking". Beach image doesn't link to the trampoline image. Beach/sex, fine. But too odd following trampoline. Also, beach/sex is kind of a tired metaphor, except for "the waves crash/unavengeful". Not sure if I like that or not. Would have to see the rewrite.