<~>9 Mar 2003

hello mr bub,

some comments on yer pome:

"surreptitiously. "
too long/bland/erudite a word for this poem. it doesn't fit the gist of it. you're all about the things the simple and the simply arrogant want hhere--and besides, they are obvious in their avoidance, are they not? so why the word, bub? it confuses the issue.

"prideful gnarled knuckles at the line-walkers
passing above*,*
snatch*es* the black woolen cap
from his lap. "

i know you're all about the grammar, so i thought i'd throw that at you.

that being said, i like this very much.

but your ending makes him a plant and not a man; by steailing his mobility, you steal his humanity. if by 'barrel' you mean to infer his thirst for the 80 proof, it does not work here..

ta,

z