lastobelus13 Mar 2003

sweet

s/there/their/ in stanza 3 line 3 before pk gets here and craps

my nitpicks: stanza 2 line 1 bugs me because its awkward. why not just something like angels trick the cherubs into killing the stars. or angels corrupt the cherubs and they start killing stars. or something.

and stanza 4 line 1. The rest of the poem is startlingly original, making "eyes bleed black" stand out for it's familiarity.