INTRANSIT11 Apr 2003

Ok bro, I'll try not to steer you wrong.

S-1 line 2 is unnecessary, see line 1.
(would) I be enlightened.

S-2 lines 5/6 repeat 3/4
LIne 8 work into the last stanza
lines 10 and 12 could merge, lose line 11

S-3 you could use "spitfires" to exclaim his response.
the other plane is missing an (r)
(I preferred Stukas, myself)
drop the (but(s)
A river waiting for a mudslide makes no sense (to me)
and I'm unsure about the russian doll(my naivete prob.)

Any way, hope that helps. Oh,also, All the thoughts are there, but they could stand some organizing.
Best I can do for a piece so powerful. b.o.l.

Rich