Everyone18 Dec 2003

Line 1: "I smell a strong smell of coffee"

This is a stupid line. Of course you smell a SMELL of coffee. You can't smell anything other than a SMELL. So to say you smell a SMELL of coffee is like saying "I tasted a taste", or "I felt a feeling", or "I dreamt a dream". You should have written something like "A strong smell of coffee fills my heart with brownful lust"

Line 2: "floating around the air in here"

Again redundancy. If you can smell a smell of coffee, it's obvious that the smell is floating around in the air because smells can only be transmitted to the nose glands via a gaseous medium. You should have left this line out.

Line 3: "I am craving for coffee"

Sounds awkward. You should have said something like "Oh precious bean! Why do you tempt me so!?"

...

Line 14: "I want the taste in my mouth"

Do you, indeed? I want the taste in my ear.

Line 21: "Why can't I crave for coffee?"

I don't understand this line at all. I thought the whole point in this poeme was that you DO crave for coffee. I can understand you craving coffee but, for whatever reason, being unable to drink it. But unable to crave it? That's just crazy talk.

Overall: A good try! I'm sure you'll be an excellent poete in no time!!!!!1111