god'swife19 Jan 2004

I think you could do without 'But' at the start of the last stanza. Otherwise perfect. the best use of prepositional phrases I have ever ever seen.
the last two lines of the first stanza are beautifully constructed. A lovely percussion, well thoughtout wiht a terrific fallowt-through in the next stanza L2S2 is as pretty a thing as I've seen.

Sort of a cross between e.e. cummings and Dylan Thomas I think. Top-notch. (Do get rid of that first 'but' S3, the more I read it, the more out of place it seems) Kisses.