niyama8 Apr 2004

I really like this one. A couple of comments:

- L1 - the repetition of "press" kind of sticks for me...maybe 'sink the plunger' or some such?
- L2 & 3 are awesome together
- L4 maybe strike 'act'? I like it with just 'ritual'
- L6 'mystical hypodermic' - while I generally dislike the word 'mystical' i like it here. feels very...coffee house to me.
- L7 strike "brown"? 'Russet on its own is great
- L8 'tasting themselves' awesome!
- L9 what about 'held the cup up'...to my face feels obvious to me
- L10 'warmth tingles' what about 'warm tingles'?

All in all I love it! Don't mind the comments above, don't think you need to worry about the opinion of cricket girl...*bleh*! =o)