nentwined8 Apr 2004

I like several of your suggestions.

L1-this is hard. I'll have to think about it. the repetition is kind of off, but I think the first word feels like 'press' more than anything else I can think of, and I'm worried with the second that someone won't get what a french press is.

L4-yeah, I agonized over that too. definitely not just 'act', but I have a weakness for parentheticals. That's probably something to not be encouraged. :)

L7-and another point of contention. brown is entirely redundant, but the flow feels good to me. so I'll think about it.

L9-held the cup up doesn't fit grammatically, but I "might could" do something with that, still. That line was actually an inserted after-thought in the first draft.

L10-_definitely_ has to be 'warmth tingles', for me.

er.

so, well, I like the ones I'm going to have to think on, and I appreciate all of them. :) Thank you. :)