nentwined12 Apr 2004

"cool crips breeze" had me thinking this was an entirely different poem for the first three lines (well, there was uncertainty after the first line ended, and serious doubt after the second...)

"nights" should be "night's". "raceing" is "racing"

I don't understand "which arouses yet another thought you..."--is that supposed to be another thought _of_ you?

'moment in time' is one of my favorite phrases, but it doesn't seem like you really did anything with it here but tack it on at the end, almost like this was an assignment to "write about a moment in time".

I'm afraid that this poem reads to me as one cliche after another--pretty words, but the same words everyone else has used to describe the exact same thing. I think you could explore the moment and metaphors a bit more to try to find something novel.