Re: Win, Win, Lose, Lose by Dovina	Skamper 202.6.130.130	22-Jun-07/11:44 PM
very bleak - and arrogant...I like it!
Re: Win, Win, Lose, Lose by Dovina	pete 62.56.116.192	22-Jun-07/11:46 PM
wow, Dovina; must be yr most powerful poem yet ... tho must admit I've skipped over quite a few;... just a thought... the end i found flat because the symmetry so obviously demanded it; ... I'da skewed it a bit, ... like win, who needs it..or .loss is lost or something; ... but then then....you know;.it's yr poem :-),I'm more of an imperfectionist
Re: Just Another Reason by Skamper	pete 62.56.116.192	22-Jun-07/11:54 PM
hi;...yeah; felt exactly the same as jessicazee about the last 3 lines; . the lead up was good enough to deserve much more ... the first 3 lines could in fact stand alone... nice changes of rhythm......7 and a half points
regarding some deleted poem...	lmp 141.154.134.3	22-Jun-07/7:56 AM
i would add a "is" to line 3 after "Abhorrent". perhaps in line 5 "slathered" - or better yet "lathered" - could replace "swathed". i do enjoy the wry, overly-barbed sarcasm contained in this piece. it utterly seethes with disdain, contempt so venomous that it might burn the page upon which it is written. the irony i see here is that enough wanking supposedly makes one go blind, but one who masturbates in this manner is blind already, no? marks for expressing your feelings in such a clear and forceful manner while maintaining a smirk. you may want to keep working on this to make it even better.
Re: essence of a thought by lmp	Ranger 217.41.217.24	22-Jun-07/1:14 PM
Good write. I like the rhymes although when you alter the pattern it is maybe a little distracting.
regarding some deleted poem...	Ranger 217.41.217.24	22-Jun-07/1:15 PM
Ooh, -=MUSLIM=- will be having a word with the master of the naughty room about this...
Re: essence of a thought by lmp	Dovina 71.158.210.68	22-Jun-07/5:25 PM
I like the contrasts expressed in the first two verses. Then the pattern changes in S3, driving on with the main point. But I like this too. It's the kind of poem I relate to personally, having had a few thoughts that hit with this kind of power. Very good.
Re: essence of a thought by lmp	Skamper 202.6.130.130	22-Jun-07/11:31 PM
I am torn between wanting you to change the rhyme scheme to uniform and saying what the fuck - it's a brilliant piece of work...ah!! screw it - you know this is good! :)
regarding some deleted poem...	Skamper 202.6.130.130	22-Jun-07/11:33 PM
Isn't that standard practice for any religious doctrine?
Re: Tirade of a Venetian Ghost by MacFrantic	Skamper 202.6.130.130	22-Jun-07/11:41 PM
Was this a suicidal ghost?
Re: Fourty Caliber Thirty Pack by drnick	Dovina 71.158.212.23	23-Jun-07/4:13 AM
The repeated lines: I sit alone in my apartment Looking, hoping, praying inside someone's American dream could be a wrap-up verse or something.
Re: You Don't Not Know No Shit by Skamper	Dovina 208.190.252.149	23-Jun-07/4:03 PM
Sounds like a rap with double and triple negatives to which I'm not hip. Has a nice sound to it though.
Re: The Young Girl From Khartoum by Edna Sweetlove	Edna Sweetlove 85.210.207.35	23-Jun-07/4:21 PM
This is a great poem! 10 out of 10!
Re: turd cutter by Count Flatula	Edna Sweetlove 85.210.207.35	23-Jun-07/4:22 PM
A eork of genius. A steamer indeed. I shall have to give this 0/10 because it deserves to be read more.
Re: Flea poem by Sing4Jesus!	Edna Sweetlove 85.210.207.35	23-Jun-07/4:25 PM
Totally fabbo wabbo!
Re: American Idle by wilco	Edna Sweetlove 85.210.207.35	23-Jun-07/4:29 PM
A bit technical. Basically I haven't the first fucking idea what you are talking about. Cubs? Sputtered? 1-40? Talk about provincial.......................
Re: Grafton Street Late Joys by Engelbert Humpalot	Edna Sweetlove 85.210.207.35	23-Jun-07/4:31 PM
I just re-read this. It is still the funniest thing sinc that jew Christ got nailed up. I'll try to rate it 10 again but what the fuck.
Re: You Don't Not Know No Shit by Skamper	Skamper 202.6.129.125	23-Jun-07/10:02 AM
Just a heads up - I wrote this a few years ago one lunch time while watching a group of white-middle-class Aussie kids actin' all ghetto.
Re: Bitter by Ranger	Edna Sweetlove 85.210.207.35	23-Jun-07/4:27 PM
Not very good, but I have read worse.
regarding some deleted poem...	Edna Sweetlove 85.210.207.35	23-Jun-07/4:33 PM
I always thought it was the Yanks who liked raping whilst praising their Jew Constitution.