Re: Peeping Sun by dreamsdiefirst	richa 81.178.247.150	22-Feb-04/4:34 AM
silk purse corset hints of my covered self's inner nudity
Re: The Sipping of the Light by DeadtotheWorld	richa 81.178.247.150	22-Feb-04/4:59 AM
What do the dreadful curtains symbolise, and are they dreadful because the match the sofa?
Re: The Motherfuckers and The Mystery of Life by Jeremi B. Handrinos	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	21-Feb-04/6:24 PM
yep. Thats a tinkertoy for the mind; was a fun one.
Re: The Winturd Tale of Sir Donald Nudesby by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	21-Feb-04/7:04 PM
Made a visit to a note from god today, did ya? "winturd night" is awesomely coined. This one rocks (dude).
Re: Kittens and Pocket Money by Shuushin	Schrodinger's Cat 63.147.55.19	21-Feb-04/7:45 PM
Everyone thinks it...you wrote it...Outstanding
Re: The Sipping of the Light by DeadtotheWorld	DeadtotheWorld 12.72.87.58	21-Feb-04/8:05 PM
It's a poem about hiding because I don't want someone to take away what I have, and the light is symbolizing this person
regarding some deleted poem...	richa 81.178.247.150	22-Feb-04/5:02 AM
Shame it could not end with a one legged cow falling from the sky. Nevertheless the wordplay is very good. Off center/ cantor , in the heart in his heart, stilt shod circus clowns. Reads very well too.
Re: The Commanding Disobedince of Words by daggatolar	richa 81.178.247.150	22-Feb-04/5:10 AM
instrument of sin? coyly CLS
regarding some deleted poem...	richa 81.178.247.150	22-Feb-04/5:12 AM
'let me grow to satisfy your will/ take this swelling innocence'. Are you crystal lane swift in disguise?!
Re: Troubled Mind by DarkThirteens	richa 81.178.247.150	22-Feb-04/5:18 AM
This is perfectly alright.
Re: Helpless by _iamtwilight_	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	22-Feb-04/5:23 AM
So many articles and pronouns, so little space ... This thing almost takes off, but then it's gets hobbled by so many "the"s and "our"s and "we"s -- let it go free my blue-eyed tattooed lass - Pour acid apon it and see the weak words run away; the stong will survive. let it free.
Re: Peeping Sun by dreamsdiefirst	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	22-Feb-04/5:46 AM
LoL - I saw the title and a first thought it said "Peeing Sun", then had a little adolescent laugh, opened the poem - and saw "snow". Yeah, I need to grow up. Ahem, okay. I like the peeping tom angle. I will write you an... hmmm... theres the top circle... now, left side... around the top: the bottom circle - a bright vitamin enhanced "8". I see richa has added a haiku too - I will add to yours then in the renga tradition: Blanket of the snow, covers earths naked beauty from the peeping sun. white satin coolness adorns, hillsides of crocus asleep. Sunshine's fingertips reach from afar but dare not - hides behind mountains.
Re: The Commanding Disobedince of Words by daggatolar	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	22-Feb-04/6:04 AM
Well, I wouldn't go as far to say it is CLSish for two reasons, one - you actually say something here that is between the lines, two - I've read some of your other stuff and I know you are not of her ilk (but I can see how richa think so). Yours is more of a soldiers perspective, where her's is more of a - child. So, this one: a few line breaks and line spacings would help quite a bit, imho. I suppose you stuck the lone period in there and ommitted any other punctuation for a reason - not feeling it. The string of capitals feels anagramatic... which would be interesting. I like "They did not invite me", btw.
regarding some deleted poem...	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	22-Feb-04/7:07 AM
The end is very good, and points for using a dictionary.com "word of the day" (this has been a paid advertisement).
Re: Gods Musician: Grave Digger by SupremeDreamer	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 131.111.212.215	22-Feb-04/7:16 AM
I thought this was going to be a celebration of the 80s metal band 'Grave Digger'. Fuck you.
regarding some deleted poem...	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 131.111.212.215	22-Feb-04/9:19 AM
http://www.classicgaming.com/splatterhouse/SH2-Boss2_dies2.jpg
Re: A Dream by DarkThirteens	DarkThirteens 24.18.137.238	22-Feb-04/10:54 AM
If you could point out spelilng errors that would help. Thanks.
regarding some deleted poem...	nothingtoanyone 63.183.225.173	22-Feb-04/1:37 PM
I dont know why I put this on here but o-well.
regarding some deleted poem...	zodiac 152.30.60.186	22-Feb-04/1:48 PM
Maybe it was to get constructive criticism and improve? Nah... ---- "Seriously, sort out the spelling." - a comment by richa on Disabilities (Free verse) by nothingtoanyone. "The poem, while not a bad concept, is quite poorly written and grammatically incorrect" - comment by NanceXToo on The First Artifical Insemination (Free verse) by nothingtoanyone. "The rhythm is too disrupted, too many words repeated, the third verse conclusion doesn't track with the argument" - comment by richa on Just a Day (Free verse) by nothingtoanyone. "less telling, more showing -5-" - comment by Shuushin on Rest (Free verse) by nothingtoanyone. "I'm not sure if your misspelling is intentional or not, but saddened, beatless,radiance, and of course heart. other than that I like the visual image the poem displays, but the misspelling and punctuation seems to take it away, distracting" - comment by NoSage on Left Empty (Free verse) by nothingtoanyone.
regarding some deleted poem...	horus8 24.130.214.180	22-Feb-04/4:16 PM
A legend is born, "The Beard'd Turde Cutter".