fuzzylogicisagimp
on some deleted poem
14 Oct 2003, 8:19 AM
Richard, my dear, this is stupendously and brilliantly average. 10!!!!!!!!!!!1111111
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Therefore I award you a bright and newly-polished "number nine"
On second thoughts, I really like this.
It's the last line that made me come back and read it again. WELL DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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POO POO
Now hang on a minute. I wrote a poem about SupremeDreamer featuring the line "Anal cancer, anal cancer". Did you intentionally plagiarise my work, or do great minds think alike?
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I saw two canadian geese have a collision just above the ground once. both were incoming from perpendicular angles to land near a body of water.
I also witnessed a ground hog run full-bore and headlong into a curb. This was a faraway day from the other event.
Your poem? These ducks are simply emulating humans. Ducky see. Ducky do.
screw it. I completely redid the whole thing.
If this is your attempt at death metal lyrics, it's shit.
One of my favorites. I especially love the way the images seem to come and go, they sort of crumble away, one after the other, and all you leave me with is that ultimate thought. The one we always come back to, the one we cannot shake. Lovely, truly.
Who indeed? A startling, troubling, moving look at homelessness in the twenty-first century.
Pretty. Would it be better to remove the last 'and'? I like that you placed 'still' before 'against my skin' instead of the obvious ' memory still fresh'. My mind fights to leave it out there. This way there's the possibilty of it always remaining fresh.
I keep waivering between the idea of whether or not this should remain so small, or if you should try to write more stanzas for it? I do like it.
I see two very unhappy people commiserating each other, one of which only finds peace where there is space and distance around them... using duty as an excuse to get this. (I realize that what I see is probably not what you are saying. I know there are withins within withins and there are some who like to rub my nose in my lack of understanding... not saying that you are one of these... just that they do exist. This makes me a bit shy of exposing my ignorance.) Regardless of my understanding of this poem, I think it is very good. I look at 'material art' in the same way. I do not have to consciously understand brush-strokes and well bent lines to enjoy something. I appologise for my crude answer.
Great title. You forgot the question mark. I thoroughly agree with your assesment. I'm constantly being transferred between the pysch. ward and cardiology. Why so brief, these poems of yours?
I don't like the world outside either. The alarm clock signals a kind of slavery I think, it also frightens me. I use to forget each time, now I work nights, so there is no hurry to wake. the days are mine. this poem could be more interesting if you replaced some of that spinning and squeezing with a little more insight.
PLEASE COMMENT ON MY POEMS
Dull
Oh, I see, twelve hits and no comments. Well obviously you're good at writing humourous verse, so that's not much of a comment, there's really nothing more to say. It's cute, the sentences all make perfect sense, except for the last, 'I don't want to trouble you' how is your schizophrenia and need for attention troubling to the others on this site?