I like this. Very nice

bleh...cliche' without the cathy tune.

*catchy

*catchy

nice, very nice. I like it.

hmm, the redundancy didn't have it's effect on me. Short poem with less to say that it appears. Though the message is clear.

Raw, angry, full of energy, which I like. Only, there are a few spelling errors and well, the construction could use some work. I'm all for raw passion, but I think it needs honing, like a sword.

The quality of the poem isn't that great. The feeling seems to be there, but I'm not sure you're feeling what you're saying, WHEN you're saying it. As for electroman1979s comment, puke on you bible thumper.

hmmm

interesting. I like how it just radiates...for a moment.

what's up with the statement about Romans and Chinese? I'm voting this a zero for that, though I think the overall quality of the poem would be good. Unless I'm misinterpreting your racism.

yeah, that's the last time I'll be clicking on anything with your name...

I can't believe anyone would give it a ten.

What the heck is "mock rabbit mesh"? How can "potentially created little fingers stare back" at you? And did you like how that sounded--"potentially created little fingers"? Because it's pretty awful. Its "cost" not "fee." Why do you contort your lines to accomodate such weak rhymes (i.e., "heart seems to deeper sink"; "of your sweet love I need a dose"? The inversions just make this more stilted. Why not go for near rhymes (your word choices might be richer) or just dump the rhymes altogether? I'd dump everything except "the universe is curved," use that as a first line, and see where you go from there. Sylvia Plath wrote a poem about her miscarriage (yes, I got that this wasn't really about miscarriage, but anyway): http://www.angelfire.com/tn/plath/fields.html

Think about these comment, CLS. Just because you see problems with the world does not mean that you understand them enough to know which problems are addressable and which are not - and even if they are addressable how the hell to go about doing it. Try something bold and uncharacteristic next time in this vein. Only when you truly challenge what you think you know about the world will you interest others enough to really start asking themselves questions. Is it possible that the best way to God is through hell? Is it possible to save lives through killing? Is it possible that an athiest can lead men to God better than any apostle? Sometimes the racist pederast saves the day. Sometimes abortion prevents violent crime. Sometimes recycling harms the environment. If you want to compose then you must start listening to the sound the world makes when you don't interrupt it.

sweat so sweet that sour seems discreet... yum (a 7 for finding your way into my closet) 'I love being queer' leaks momentum, however. We can tell you like it without you telling us. For some reason I'm not fond of the invitation/interpretation bit as well.

I love how you capitalise your "You's" wow, that's so avante garde. yr such a fucking heavy risk taker. I bet you even have unprotected barnyard sex with wild animals. I mean 'W'ild animals. Jesus help us all. Your poetry is so gosh darn Risky. Hack.

This poem sucked. Both context and quality. Bleh.

I almost wanted to stop half way through and call it cliche' but I read on and the ending closed it just fine. I still think there are a lot of cliche' references, but it has feeling, which is more important the mechanics anyway.

I can't finish it. The rhythm is way to choppy. It needs major revision and you rhymed hand with husband. I can't go on...