Nice.

we are always dying. from the moment we are born, from the very first intake into our lungs, we begin to count out the time until we cease to draw air.

redundancy to fit in the framework of a haiku. I don't like it.

oooooooooh really

For sure.

Very good.

Jesus, had kinky hair that spoke in tongues and whistles. But why is this an other? Let me guess? Because it's that different! Does your communications major come with a pack of world saving bubble gum? If it does, blow that up. I have a feeling your poetry is good enough to SAVE THE WORLD. YOU WILL BE THE VOICE OF THE MUTED THE EARS OF THE LEPERS THE MISSING DIGITS OF THE DEAF! THE CORN IN THE COB OF SWEET HOLY MARTYRDOM. YES YES!. It's just a shame this crock pot of crock was unreadable, and beyond poor tasting pretentious noodle stroodle.

OMG martyr and you have worked harder. I didn't even read beyond that.

painful, but too close to the bone to make a poem, dan.

Abuelita? Little grandmother? I like your style.

Step away from the hashish and nobody gets hurt!

crystal--it's lost its potential if it is floating around in the bath. i'm not trying to be rude, or cruel. it's just that you seem to lose sight of what's real through those rose colored glasses you wear. is it my lack of faith that makes me read everything on here with a jaded eye? no, i think it's that it's been a long time since i've been as innocent as you.

maybe she has gone to her reward?

You did architecture studios twice. You are right about the acceptance level at art school, I used to work at "MECA" with my hairy legs.

you put the line 'make me wetter' in a poem about jesus?

It starts out well, but then tosses it. There are some interesting images here though, and some moments. The title however, is ridiculous. Why give the mystery of it all away? The title should set it up more symbolically cryptic and refined. For instance, call it "One sore nipple too many".

Dip Dap pap smear (Free cued tipper) by What happened to my Jello? Guy's a gag, an American gag a great gag, a gay gag a great, big, American, jay bird I've got my fly on Guy Why's my fly on Guy? Well, Guy, that great, American jay that greased, bag, jay bird He has no teetheseses. thereforing, he stealith my jello still warm.

Kind of good, kind of hard to read. I think you could revise this to something much better. Some of the ryme works and some of it is very hard to read. Good work for a first draft.

"Yuki" indeed! At least my narrator did it in the car. Be considerate, you snake. But you did provoke some nostalgia for me, you know, the good old days of having sex in college dormrooms while roommates "sleep".

pretty.