ooo hmmm yum.

The last stanza saved your ass, because it's posh up until that last pretty step.

Pretentious and totally center field. Cool structure however and simple enough to have a sense of a balance somewhere in its edited future.

You know that Journey song " Just a city boy born and raised in south detroit he took the midnite train going blee bloo blee..." ? I forgot the name of it? Do you know the one?

okay, cuz im yur friend and all, i have to point out little things. there are a few bumps in the proverbial road of this poem. when they are smoothed it makes it easier for people to read and know what youre saying. the bumps include instances where ryhmes or lengths dont match up well (lines 1 and 8 maybe). and in certain areas you cease to use the pattern used throughout the rest of the poem (3rd stanza) but this IS free verse and you very well may have wanted it that way so maybe i shouldnt say anything. NEwho, i feel the idea behind it(though it may be a tad depressing). 8 on principal :)

There are some lovely images here, and powerfully simple details. Plus I'm a sucker for Azure. I once dated the most beautiful American indian lass named Azure she was incredibly attractive, and passionate. I met her at a party and sold her some shrooms, and she left with me, it was winter in Michigan, and my car's passenger window and sunroof were blown out and I had plastic over them, my car looked like a fucking submarine/hoopdie I was so embarassed because when you hit 50 or so the cabin would pressurize it was really funny, but she could of cared less ahhhh youth. Wasn't it preciously disposable.

it started out well, but i kind of lost interest at the end....maybe it was because the rhyming started to go bad

why are you daring me to call you a fake

i would give a higher rank, but it doesn't follow 5-7-5 syllable restriction but the content is very cool

this is very good

fruitcake flame'

Aww!! Isn't Misha such a sweetie *kisses* Thanks Hunniz

the only problem I have with this is the repitition of "you", otherwise it's great (9)

our poetry is always work in progress...but the best thing about poetry..it is our innermost feelings...all in all I would say the poem has redeeming qualities...maybe a little work here and there but still a moving poem

1950's this poem reminds me of, i said shake rattle roll, shake rattle roll, shake rattle roll... SccccccccRACH... oops, but the record is now offically broke! GROOVY DEWD!

dreadfull really, I mean that was just piss poor, even you can write better then that. Thankgod the grandfathers are jamming on Kcrw right now to make up for me having just read this litmussed diaper rash.

Yes, rhyming brain with again gives me a buzz, always.

Why don't you do the Phillip seymour story instead Shardik. You seem to have some left handed gusto today, you fucking write it asshole. I'm going to light some vanilla incense and put in a Depeche Mode live CD and make an avacado tuna bagel medium toasted and diced picles in the tuna, touch of garlic and green onion, pour myself a glass of guava juice (fresh) with eight ice cubes. Okay?

this is better suited for a lyric

Well yeah?