Not bad. Not the highlight of my life, but not bad. Bunnybrat, do you even know more than one story from Greek mythology?

Also, monk-man, did you misspell Buddha deliberately or was it due to the unfortunate positioning of your head in your sphincter at the time you first logged on?

Great knowledge of adjectives!!

Definitely needs a third. more alchemy poems please, but possibly get into the topic a little more.

Good thing it was just an exercise, huh!

What the hell is mem'ry? Great use of both weak adjectives and cliche. !!!!

You used "burning" twice. That is genius. And what a great use of profanity. Keep up the good work!!!

"beelselbob"?! What the unholy flaming +2 fuck? Learn to spell, you son of an orc! Also, too jesus-y. Suicide is a mortal sin, you know. Ask the good folks in the Wood Of Suicides in Dante's Divine Comedy. I hope you make a better pain-tree than you do a poete. I send my imp familiar to deliver this 0 of wounding to you. Yes, it is a touch attack.

It is simple, bunnygirl, but in the short-bus, mittens-on-strings-in-july, rubber pants sort of way.

pardon me nerds. I know nothing of sorcerers stones and underwater arithmatic. Hey, but chrono trigger kicked ass! I hope to stuudy up so that I can comprehend the intent of these "non traditional" mental maturbations. "one love"

"Like, ohmygawd, my parents are SOOO unfair!! They won't let me out to do crystal meth on a school night and they even say I wear too much makeup! Ohmygawd, I'm like so totally pissed. I'm going to make really half-assed inarticulate poemes about how I want to kill them!" Kiddo, you write like a nu-metal Charlie Manson. Except I doubt you could get any followers. Tell you what. I'll take you out on a nice Hot Topic shopping spree and then drive you up to the mall where you can scare the preppie normals. Cheer up, Buttercup! What exactly is a 'massacure'? A really bad manicure? Oh, yeah, I know. It's the result of a Grade 8 American public school education. Here, a zero of spoooky ragin' teenage angst.

Yeah, I played through Chrono Trigger yesterday. The issue, buddaboy, is that you make monumentally foolish statements on subjects you know nothing about. Don't read a poem and complain that the really obvious references are over your head. Just stick to the shallow end next time.

I am reminded of Dawson's Creek and Dashboard Confessional. Blah. But you have a great sense of rhythm and flow ... you just need new subject matter to work with, or perhaps some more imagery?

I love parts of this, other bits seem slightly pointless (ie the dust bit, although maybe I'm missing something). Did you mean the first 'mourning' as that, or is it a typo? I quite like it as it is, seems a fairly good play on words etc. Anyway, 8

Um, I don't get it yet. Nice writing in places though. Perhaps I'll have another reread and come back again.

Caducus (my favourite brother) has just told me to read this and I agree it should be published, I think cads writes nice stuff and he rarely actually RAVES about much so be proud hers a 10, I know your not bothered about the top 15 but like it or not this deserves to be there. Next time we must be wicked to you, far far too nice things said.

this poem does have some nice lines. but it falls into that voice problem that you so often have. In this you use "you", "We" and "i". Is the we universal? or is it the "you" and "i" combined. It is unclear. And you start the poem out about a "you" who we do not know and the center it around the "i", losing the point of opening with the "you". Plus, why do you have to tell the reader all these things. What does being as real as a toothache have to do with anything? WHO is "WE". Needs work. Needs focus.

Are you trying to justify why this is so bad by putting the "oh, but I was only a mere lad when I penned this shite?" I was just asking, of course. No hard feelings, eh?

Great title!!!!!

Lovely. A couple of typos, but otherwise fine.