oh, someone hears your muffled screams..you know who? the guy with the fucking pillow over his face and your underwear arounde yer knees. ah hoy!c

"User has to wait until 3-Feb-03/8:35 PM before posting new poetry." PRAISE JESU

wrap it up, h. this needs one more. 2 is not complete. give trigamestus the triad treatment, and then i will vote. and it won't be a fucking 5.

I'm beginning to like you, I wrote something angry with serious overtones of hell called 'exiting darkness' hell offers a warmer welcome dont you think? Good poem I have liked yours so far which is a compliment considering my foul mood today*7*

keep; intil dark flowed and the process... ...despair.(the entire stanza is good, but leave out L3) affection sneezing is not a strong image keep process of sickness but find some other way to be contaminated. that's about it for me. Nice to see someones work in progress. I appreciate it.

***fuck me your near perfect**** this is your finest hour GW, and this stanza made the down on my arms ignite. Whatever anyone ever says about you remember this you were born to write, born to teach and like a firefly show us ragged hopeless moths the light to better writing. Your beautiful, today i am in love with you. ====I am better than Any treasure. I am The promise of it. ------bling bling wicked----

than like a weird flaming alien finds me having gay midget sex in vegas with a theoretical math problem turned flesh, and the waitress says, "care for an olive you greek freak," and i'm like beatch WHATEVER! BA NAH NAH DA NA DA NA NA BA NAH NAH DA NA DA NA NA CUZ I LIVE IN THE DIVEDED STATE OF NOSTALGIA THE DIVEDED STATE ODERFUSCIA WHATEVER...all i can say is in five hours i will be snowboarding down a gorgeous alpine mountain carving it up...WHATEVER HA! urp... ?

Reading this again, I do believe this should be published because their are so many anagrams within this poem, you could make 3 or 4 haiku's out of all the stanzas, its also flexible it can mean different things to different people some it has intended meanings and other things you write of in here are open for the reader to interpret how they want to, their are endless definitions to the presented metaphors, you tell me to read shakespeare GW, I think when i get my own computer i will learn a lot from you and to think you have inspired me to write something inspired from this tonight that will be on ranker for others to criticize / praise. In years from now you will read all the 100s of comments you have had and think 'Shit I was a damn good writer' and thats why you should submit this for publication because every blue moon i will read something that inspires me and their are only 3 poems that have made me realize why i love poetry so much so you, tintagiles and Intransit are now people who have written something that has truly inspired me, I have always been accused of being stoical and having a dark soul, I HAD to tell you all this because that is our gold, our currency as a writer is knowing that the tears of trees we write on have more beauty with poetry like this on than any songbird or Maple leaf. My brother told me to tell you or he would not tell me where my bourbon is. Get it audio recorded, published, do it now for your a busy girl.

Very funny. There should be more parody and satire on this site. What's that Sooty - it's a serious poem about somebody's deepest feelings? Surely not?

I guess there's a point in there somewhere. Come out, come out, wherever you are!

yikes. yeah..that about says it all. you know i was going to come over here with a squad of superfiscialy intelligent fish heads and minions, and give you a pleasant berating, but then i read your poem,. and openly wept for abused 'childes' everywhere, and forget why i came...oh yeah to say well. NO-BRAINER.enjoy your time here. here's some dry turkey sole. 0. nah fuckit you apparently gave it all. granted a brick, an air ball, but what the hell. right? 2?

well if budda monk says cool, i say stool? pool. drool. wool.gruel.ficanderytesripomonduel. guess what? you fucking SUCK! PLATYPUS PUD..

Snot for the beak of fart ------------------------- Turding smell has choken noose Queering all my reams No bum shaving blows my stain Or smears my truffled creams Turding males now rearce my lech As boysion dills my gayns I quail in whorement, thigh for kelp Wet holo I sustain And wipe are poo brown by my hide You clam-hair leather bend My schmucking soap you spermed in swell Goo lair-hive spleen-cunt hemmed

ALL YOUR POEMES SOUND THE SAME; THEY USE THE SAME RHYME SCHEME. TRY TO USE A DIFFERENT ONE. IT WILL MAKE YOU CREAM. ALSO, YOU SHOULD PUNCTUATE. IT MAKES YOU SEEM LESS THICK. BLAH-DI-BLAH-DI-BLAH-DI-BLAH DOO-DAH-DIDDLE DICK

overall, a reasonable poem given the dead and done subject matter. I'd recommend counting syllables, though -- it feels like it wants a strong structure, but it's all over the place in small amounts, making reading it hard to do. but still -- dead and done and best buried subject matter.

why do you switch form near the end? it wasn't entirely pleasing, but it worked better in solidarity, at least. nothing here for me, though.

Jeremi (if that is your real name) are you Horus8 gone undercover, deep into the darkest recesses of poemranker where his reputation will not preceed him. By the way, this neatly deconstructs the traditional haiku.

this is more like a song without a chorus, add a chorus it needs it -5

the only decent thing on here apart from a couple of others I have read today, keep up the good work -8

WOW YOU'RE REALLY IN MY FACE WITH YOUR SWEARING. 1. Voices don't actually fill your head. Don't try to be crazy when you're clearly not. 2. You haven't led any past lives. 3. "Love that I did know" & "Only pain does show" are the worst two lines ever written, ever. 4. See above.