Bachus
on Faith... by loneshadow29
18 Nov 2002, 1:37 PM
almost contemporary.
heartache through and through.
Too anorexic. I think 'The weight of those words" would add some much needed direction. Also try title in qoutes. What do you think?
and the dwarves in the back vomit and clap in approval...before head butting the tattooed mime. 9.a
Look everyone! It's Rod McKuen meets Ansel Adams. I bet your parents bought you lessons in eloquetion(sp?). You always refused to take of the toga and laurel wreath at the end of class.
I like it !
delightful. 8.
Typos a plenty. Not to mention searing waves??? I believe you lifted this from some silent movie.
Not bad. Antiquiated, but it the rythmn doesn;t detract from the sense of it. Or in ohter words you managed it without having to revert to silly sentences.
hey your poem has a really good sceme, but it was supposed to be happy and i got sad, but i really liked the way things rolled
The change is an improvement. I would drop one "nothing". Or, last line : Did not blink. I dunno, scribble it on paper first.
now that's entertainment. 8.
L-7 Replace "who" with a comma?
I understand what you were saying , and I like it.
the secret naming of things, and yes i have...you're dismissed.
L10 should be "So seen my quill is set aside" otherwise a perfect lullabye.8.
my random button is apparently broke. again.
amen.
(but it's altar)
bravo