INTRANSIT
on Bowed by <~>
15 Oct 2002, 11:51 AM
Maybe some day I'll be able to graciously flow the pain of romance the way you two ladies do. Until then, I will be happy watching the pros.9
Trying to stay piqued is hard. 9
swept away. today. such a sweet lament, richa.
when fiction becomes nonfiction, the salt, and osmosis and black pearled tears..well..they read me to sleep...like you use too.
my python boots are poised lets dirt kiss the carrots. fuck it lets dirt kiss the be-atches! yee haw! p.s lets put pirahana in the coi-pond. indeed.
the fourth stanza could use an extra noun or an adjective actually two more nouns and an adjective. to help balance it out with the other stanzas, and also help tie in the image of that stanza which kind of struck me as vaguely yearning to become as strong as the others, still wonderfull however. 7.
Not to answer for Gods wife but, because some guys get pleasure from doing that very thing, sickos that they are. (you knew that didn't you)?
Gods wife, How do you extract so much pain from so few words? It's amazing!9
''Twas' doesn't seem to fit.
I'm not sure if I like it as much anymore. (And what I meant in my earlier comment was 'it might work better', not 'it might work work')
'The horizon/Untouched/Hangs/Ivory tusks' is wonderful.
This reminds me of those very detailed fairy tale paintings on the lids of boxes, done in Russia. Magical and very pretty. But since when do birds have lips?
the last 8 lines are very nice. the beginning could be a little smoother. there's something about it that chunks along a little too clunkily.
Not bad in the slightest. The first time I read it, I thought it might work work if you inversed the final two lines, but on rereading it I noticed it works fine as it is.
red hot, like a paddled rump! very nice. "or that coiling." interesting choice.
if he is the ruinor, why would he give you that?
How special.