RoseEyes
on some deleted poem
22 Sep 2002, 7:43 PM
I like this one...... thanks for sharing it! Think i will go help the snake chase its tail too! :) Smile.
Might lend itself to rhyme with a little rework. Shades of an affair? Great content though,the rose,rose,rose thing kicks a--!
I like simplicity, could be modified to rhyme without losing it's intent. Good stuff!
Sorry,didn't mean to offend. Missed
the literal. Does my rookieness show?
Nice rhyme! Almost fooled me with the title, or did you? Next time, turn it up!
this is lovely. Thank you for sharing it with us. Smile!
I read an article in mens' health that told men what woemen expected on a date, written by a woman. I thought why would women help men take advantage of them .Then I thought to write about that but you beat me to it. And simplified it too! It doesn't get any better. 10
tell her & sadder rhymn like car & Hitler. Are you a painter? Not house but canvas.
Distributors go round, 'till they get stuck. Don't ask 'cause I don't know. Less is more here I think. I felt it though. (Hoping to find???????)
PHew... we shall end the God's Wife Marathon on this (obviously, as it's her latest). I suspect it'S better with music -- does it have some already, or is it just the right form for a tango? Doesn't quite suit what I'm listening to right now (Beethoven's Ninth) so I can't sing it out. Oh well. Anyway, the last two stanzas are much better than the first, and the last is best of all. I love the 'rosebud/roseblood' transfiguration. The only excuse I can find for the first two lines is that it's a song though. Still, very fine
Go on wit yo bad self!! I don't know this writer but now I want to.
Simple, truthful. Rework for a little fluidity maybe? Agreeable!
A hooker? EX girlfriend? New therapist? WHAT?!!! Maybe I missed the whole thing. Needs little, of what I cannot find.
Nice. Clean. Too surfacy though, you dipped well with the angel/amiss. Go deeper.
Last line seems to be going in it's own direction,but there's a very thin connection. I think differently about people who hve given themselves to god though.WOW!
If at first you don't succeed...
Iron it out, otherwise it works.
very good!
When I find a solution I'll let you know. I tire of tragedy though.
Ironically, I cant help you.