Thank you for welcoming me, such a civil girl. And inventive as well -Inspirator- or Inspiratress? You choose

And considering I have know idea who you are you can be assured that I am not putting you down, but only your crappy poetry. I am sorry you feel that way about my poems, because actually, they are quite good and you should take after them. You might learn something.

Tree and stone. Do you believe in coincidence? Wow so do I!!! Thank you for your praise. I love your poem, but it seems to be bogged down with fancy synonyms. You've got great skill, which can't be taught. Speak from the heart instead of the head. Concentrate or actually stay unfocused enough to go with sound of words working together. Your 1st and 3rd lines are beautiful examples of this. the vowel sounds in cedars breathe are sensual and strong. Also the rhymn between slow as stones & craked bones. Needs work. Give it time.

i think my problem is that i spend a lot of time in my head. my thoughts wrap themselves in polysyllabic mantles; i think with those words. you're not the first to mention that my words are too complex to flow. i tried to work on that, to simplify the description in a rewrite of secret, admirer. did you see the first version?

Ahhh, much improved. I agree with Christof to a degree. He likes "suggestion", but I guess I'm lazy because in a poem of this length I like to have a narrative to guide me, or at least a vague understanding of what the hell's going on. I'll say nothing about "fecund" (you get away with it :) but I must say that "ejaculations" kinda jumps out at me (if you'll pardon the expression). Perhaps a touch forced. Otherwise I particularly that stanza. I'd go 8.5 if we had the halves. Mmmm...A generous 9. I find that if I have to rewrite to any significant degree, maybe it didn't come straight from the heart in the first place? Or maybe I'm just too amateur?

zzinnia66 -- 21-Aug-02, 01:06 PM no, i used 'ejaculations' because i wanted to convey a sense of raw, driven urges--other peoples heat pouring in through my childhood bedroom window. 'incubi', 'came', 'unprotected', 'cruisers'--all sex words, forcing their way into an innocent's dreams... too obscure?

No I'm sorry I did not see the 1st. Maybe you should try using a thesaurus in reverse. I do it sometimes. Also the dictionary is my dearest and closest friend. i look things up and the damn thing tells me exactly what the poems need to know/say. Try doing exercises with throw-away poems, you know make things up while your busy with the drudgeries. Also sometimes single words are better expressed in full sentences, I know it sounds as if it would make things more complicated, but imagery is the key. Stay lyrical

Look. No-one can pronounce skeleton, so the title's bang on, but unfortunately not only is the piece not original (and I really feel that's a prerequisite for using this site), but that great title doesn't seem to be yours either. (Nods to D.A.)Please...redeem yourself by posting more original work.

Hear we go again darling. the middle bit, I'll call it the bridge is better for it's simplicity. My brain doesn't have to work overtime trying to make images out of the words. But the rest of it is difficult to read Example: Now no city lights violate the velvet indigo canopy. How about: Now no city lights violate the sky. thats an accessible poetic image. i hope I'm not overstepping my bounds. I me you service, but even the best intentions can F**k things up. let me know the boundaries and I will respect

Ok, I see that now. We'll have to debate whether that was too cryptic or I'm just slow! I see that it works now, but, and this is the tricky bit. If a word-play/suggestion only "works" when it's been explained (nee "deciphered"), does that mean it works well or not? I'd be interested to know if anyone else understood precisely what this stanza was suggesting prior to explaination. It really is unlike me to miss pseudo-sexual references. I'm ashamed of myself.

mrs. god--no boudaries are crossed. i asked for help, afterall. i liked the assonance and allitleration there -all the v's and i's... i guess ienjoy tripping over my own tongue. keep the the comments coming, mrs. g.

Yes, I am the one who left that "little love ditty", but the point of it obviously went way over your head. It wasn't karma. It was me trying to show you just how stupid it was to leave a comment like the one you left me. Obviously, my means were far too complicated. Do me a favor. In fact, do yourself a favor. Don't come back and comment on my shitty, not-so-cool poetry anymore unless you have something constructive to say. This site wasn't created as a means to put other people down. Thank you, and hopefully we never have to speak to each other again.

Like I know who the fuck every shit ass poet that comes through the random file is. I am sorry I did not remember whom the fuck you were so I could understand your clever ditty. If I said your poem was not so cool or sucked, it most likely did. And what I have to say is easy compared to what you might as well get used to on this site. The first rule to improving at writing poetry in your case is to get thicker skin.

The ending is the best bit. Because that's how it goes. Even if we don't kill each other, we wish we could sometimes. Especially when the romance has already died. Why the hell else do we put up with each other, if not for passion and romance. I think alot of men aren't aware of how much they bore us, and yes dearies to the point of homicide.Back to the point; The Po-em is good. 7

also in this set-apart stanza--lowercase 'i', for innocent...

Really pretty. The last stanza is amazing. truly you're a mighty lady.

Delight is good. I long for a delighted heart daily.

It's all about the bad-ass.

good god mojo! youscare me out of my skin!

desire--'delight' should have been 'desire'. duh.