Now that was childish. Just because I told you that one line in your poem hung me up, you give me a zero?

I like the "languid lazy days," but the poems rhyme, along with the other, weaker images (i.e. ache of emptiness, grip/soul) ultimately tie the poem down in cliche.

Who is this poem directed at? I have a lot of respect for poems which are ambiguous or vague or obscure but this poem goes a bit too far. However l really like your structure, it creates an "in your mind" perspective.

your right, i couldn't think of a word to clasify God's breathing so I opted out for mystery. Can you think of a more concise classification/discription? As far as the 'Them' goes, it's the trees and the lovelely bushes which are speaking to me? Have you heard them?

Now I hear them! I think the stones in the last stanza were putting me off, I was trying to relate them to the 'them' in the first stanza. Perhaps if you changed the 'stones' to 'trees' it would become clear? The 'mystery of God's breathing' is fine once it's clear that's the wind - very Romantic, I like the way that harks back to Coleridge etc.

Thank you kind sir. This poem was written to Anne Sexton, the American poet who after 9 attempts finally managed to asphyxiate herself in the garage with the family car. I love her as I'm sure I would love your dear dead Queen for all the troubles she bore. Ultimately I believe the poem is about our love/hate relationship with existence itself.

You should avoid titling a poem and then using it as the first line. Just start the poem with the title. The idea behind this is sound, but the wording of the draft (although packed with some fair images) is a bit youthful. The rhetorical questions also weaken the structure. If you want the reader to participate in the poem, it is often a good idea to do it without asking. You might really hone in your idea and try to find the solid lines in the poem and begin working from there.

It is hard for a reader to take in a poem that has such a broad, almost overwhelming title. You lose half your audience from people going, "Oh, god, another poem called 'Love'." Maybe you should reevaluate your intentions and try to show the reader what you are thinking rather than simply making a statement that could easily be said by anyone.

Again, this grabs you by the throat. IS this Queen Anne of England? She who had myriad still-born babies? I wonder if you are referring to some kind of self-loathing on the part of a woman who cannot, try as she might, give life and her own life, like a baby inside, becomes something to be extinguished. Again, maybe too mysteriously opaque for me(I'll probably find that my interpretation of it is miles from anyone else's), but I like it.

The addressee of this poem is obviously problematic - no one's fault but my own! It's the old ex-love figure, someone who is in effect 'dead' in that you never see or speak to them but who lives as a ghost in your memory. The narrator knows where the ex lives and imagines her/him thinking about the narrator, imagining what they're doing etec. But the very fact I have to explain this means my focus was right off when writing this poem.

I'm so glad you can hear them. i'd like the stones to speak also though, they use to when I was girl and my head wasn't filled with crap. Nature as God. God as nature. I must go to bed now but it's been wonderful chatting with you take care and may we speak again

I really like this poem. You portray the situation brilliantly and also the frustration at not being able to conceive such inhumanity. See "The Curse". It is along the same lines, sort of!

This is rather melodramatic - I'd really get rid of the aposiopoesis at the end.

American just indicates the fact that it could never be a true Haiku because of the language. American also because this is about someone's trip across country.

I think this is great - Sylvia Plath drops the Nazi imagery and gets her own back. How could any man neglect his Venus so thoughtlessly?

I didn't really understand the title and this sounds more like prose than poetry

It was the repititious and mindless drugery that hung me up.

I thought the Home of the Whopper line penile reference

Not a very original title.

I knew my interpretation would turn out to be a bit eccentric! But self-hate is the same whichever Anne you plump for.