This has potential. Good extended metaphor. Work on the last line.

Good rhythm. Try to put some images in. Poetry should stimulate the senses.

This is not poetry. This is prose with odd line breaks. I suggest a rewrite.

I wouldn't call it high art. But that crocodile... man, I love that crocodile.

interesting. i can definitely sense the emotion and the feelings in this poem, but the way it is written is a little odd (might be what you were going for) and i think that detracted a litte for me. maybe if you use the same topic but in a different format? I dunno, just my $0.02

Yes, though this needs polishing, it's good deep down. Don't worry about "poetandknowit", he's a pompous, pretentious bastard who seems to have deemed himself the most knowing and mature "poet" on the site, and therefore it's his job to ensure creeping postmodernism and to keep all the comments on topic. He is,in short, a wannabe dictator, poorly endowed and lacking in social skills.

if metallica got their hands on this they'd have a new 'creeping death'...don't let that happen.

poetandknowit, lack of capitalisation doth not a poem make. This poem does well with a tired form and subject matter.

poetandknowit... you went to college? I, honestly, am surprised. Did you major in business? Economics? Accounting? I had the impression that there was a writing requirement for most college degrees. Obviously you found a way around that. Congratulations. Thoughtfulsoul, try to develop your images a little more. "The sight of her extended white/feathered wings" is good. Try to slip in a few more gems like that here and there and you'll have a work of art.

Internal rhyme rules! And the alliteration is delicious. I don't know if I like this poem because it includes the words "tango", "tangerine" or because of it's fantastic rhythm. The last line needs work, it takes away from the rest of the poem. Make it more confident. Lose the "...?"

In highschool, I had a friend who used to freestyle rap. Sometimes, he would be absolutely caught on a word and what he would spew, trying desperately not to lose the rhythm, sounded approximately like this. So you're a slampoet... but can you WRITE?

wait hold everything..why i hold my penis..sure this isn't the most stylish, intelligent, or multi faceted piece, but it's got villianous, deceit,bashing, blood evil doings, and sickly sweey smells...and most of all..big boobies terrorizing..that's not so bad..we can't always fuck sylvia plath(who wasn't good looking anyway) sometimes we need a heather thomas poem to stimulate the flacid capilaries..lighten up d.a.. no one thought you would like it any way..most of us have a keen awareness of what you like.. you no deep movies like xxx, and muscle shows, drag racing, ding dongs, and science fiction comic books, which is why your a demigouge w/ a nucleur fissioned engine. morning guys. my thumb still hurts.it's officially a vicadine day. so mote it be!s

This poem has potential. It is not entirely coherent, but it has an excellent combination of ideas that, with a little work, could be well worth reading. "April is the cruellest month," is an allusion to the prologue to the Canterbury Tales where April is beautiful and warm, rather than rainy and miserable and dead as Eliot sees it. You attack Eliot as he attacked Chaucer which is good... carrying on the tradition, I suppose.

erm....not 2 sure about this one-i dont think its ur best poem but i still think its good

Again, poetandknowit, I find it hard to believe that you have ever sat through a college writing class...

Horus8: I vote 10 on that comment. Applause!

See previous comment about seeking some education. Enjambment is a useful poetic device, but chopping a poorly written sentence into three word statements is not high art.

i know i have friends i have the best friends a guy could ask for and hopefully when i go to college i will see them again

Hehehehe...I can feel what you're saying.

yep...that hit a spot...there it goes...alright...i liked it.