regarding some deleted poem...	horus8 24.130.62.63	1-Nov-04/4:25 PM
Nice work.
Re: From Womb To Wood by Caducus	horus8 24.130.62.63	1-Nov-04/4:27 PM
Christ...
Re: The Old Man by spriggan	horus8 24.130.62.63	1-Nov-04/4:30 PM
Yes, I clearly see his crippled maw.
Re: Fascists by Imago	richa 81.178.199.217	2-Nov-04/5:37 AM
The lines 1-4 set up an expectation of a certain rhythm. And then lines 5-10 use a different rhythm. It all makes the poem difficult to read. I would at least split it into two verses. 'all are we' at the end is an inversion purely to make the poem rhyme. Such behaviour is very wrong. Playing with peoples expectations of where rhymes are to be can work very well. But you must beware that it does not always work. Rather than talking of fascists as you giving the definitive statement it would be better if a character in the poem was saying it. Telling us with your first two lines about fascists (in trees under logs) makes you sound kind of paranoid.
Re: Ash by horus8	INTRANSIT 152.163.100.68	2-Nov-04/5:40 AM
Ok bro. You're so fucking close!!!!!!!! Line 4 (absent) is too fast a word Line 8 is one beat off. There are no other problems that I can hear. I'm gonna slap you with a ten 'cos I know how hard it is to fix details like these.
Re: My Poison ( Vodka ) by Brittanyy	richa 81.178.199.217	2-Nov-04/5:42 AM
'feel the shame' about vomitting seems a bit over the top. If getting pissed is cool then so is vomitting it back up again. Also 'now you lay in the flame' seems an odd line to use. It would probably be more meaningful if you were talking about a drink it is traditional to set fire to and drink. Just a thought.
Re: Ash by horus8	richa 81.178.199.217	2-Nov-04/5:44 AM
'Nothing earned, and nothing gained' is a bit of a wasted line. The initials bit is cliche. Other than that well written, sounds great.
Re: On Youth Revisited by vulcan	richa 81.178.199.217	2-Nov-04/5:48 AM
'I wash my face/ and water splash' means you wash a water splash. Punctuation needed methinks.
Re: Poems for devolution by richa	D. $ Fontera 204.98.2.23	2-Nov-04/7:11 AM
An intriguing poem at least. Nothing completely wonderful about it. *6*
Re: Butterflies by Caducus	D. $ Fontera 204.98.2.23	2-Nov-04/7:13 AM
The final stanza is probably the best final stanza about metaphorical butterflies I have read this month. *9*
regarding some deleted poem...	D. $ Fontera 204.98.2.23	2-Nov-04/7:16 AM
The awkwardness of this poem's pace, and the fact that there are so many mispellings and unnecessary verbage, downgrades its potential. *5*
Re: after dinner by oneglove	D. $ Fontera 204.98.2.23	2-Nov-04/7:20 AM
Is this about bulimia? I don't get it. *7*
Re: Two Years by berdabear	D. $ Fontera 204.98.2.23	2-Nov-04/7:21 AM
Not terrible. *8*
Re: Trust by Dovina	Dan garcia-Black 66.218.59.245	2-Nov-04/7:54 AM
I like the use many pronouns that make the meaning of the poem seem ambiguous at first. It took me a couple of reads to "get it." Cool.
Re: My Poison ( Vodka ) by Brittanyy	Fear of Garbage 67.39.14.101	2-Nov-04/11:13 AM
I am so sick of this site. Fine, if I get a 2 I won't complain for myself, but stop giving dribbling shit like this 10s.
Re: A Letter Home by Fear of Garbage	Sasha 69.138.240.116	2-Nov-04/9:45 AM
The repeating words are straining you
Re: Poems for devolution by richa	Sasha 69.138.240.116	2-Nov-04/9:46 AM
Since I know this poem is supposed to mean something, and I don't know what it is, you get the 8 of ambiguity
Re: Blue by D. $ Fontera	Sasha 69.138.240.116	2-Nov-04/9:47 AM
Very interesting use of form
regarding some deleted poem...	Sasha 69.138.240.116	2-Nov-04/9:49 AM
Take out the line breaks and tell it to the bartender
regarding some deleted poem...	Sasha 69.138.240.116	2-Nov-04/10:07 AM
Your spanish is bad. Sorry.