Re: Drunk and Fucked Up by wilco	Dovina 24.52.157.176	22-Jun-04/8:08 AM
This sounds and feels singable and sad. I can hear it late in a smoky Tennessee bar, a guitar man strumming, and me thinking of all the bad times. Hit me with another chorus Wil.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 24.52.157.176	22-Jun-04/10:28 AM
A good haunting feeling with a few good lines, like "It’s the kind of thing that hides inside Because it’s scared that . . ." But a bit awkward and wordy in places. I'd made "Identically" identical, and scratch "In hopes of finding solutions" and cut out a few other words.
Re: love and hate by jessicasgurl	DustyStar 24.162.26.96	22-Jun-04/10:39 AM
AND TO EVERYBODY WHO READS THIS, THIS IS MY COUSINS POEM IF U DONT LIKE U R A HATER.Very good Shay I LOVE IT
Re: Absurd by cedand1	DustyStar 24.162.26.96	22-Jun-04/10:42 AM
ITS OK
Re: EGG by ?-Dave_Mysterious-?	jessicasgurl 24.118.251.83	22-Jun-04/10:50 AM
this is funny i like it
Re: Johnny Thunders And Me by pain killer	pain killer 217.159.74.253	22-Jun-04/10:55 AM
why thank you for the honest criticsism...refreshingly lacking in ego self stroking aka fred zodiac et al@wibble.com yeah i have a problem with self editing and metaphorical bullshit easy rhyming sequences apparently, just ask the self same fred zodiac@ honk.com i'll take your comments to mind, glad you enjoyed it though
Re: Promise of Resurgence by marvelis	boldsilence 68.11.251.86	22-Jun-04/11:17 AM
You're trying to get across a good message, but I can't give you a good rating. The rhymes are just too forced. Rhymes aren't always terrible, but in this case, it distracts the reader from the meaning of the poem.
regarding some deleted poem...	boldsilence 68.11.251.86	22-Jun-04/11:18 AM
Funny...
regarding some deleted poem...	boldsilence 68.11.251.86	22-Jun-04/11:21 AM
" I heard ya born in july ? cause i am too and thats no lie I'll be loving you night and day but all you gon say is wut up and hay " Those four lines are prime example of forced rhyme. Rhyme is not always bad, but in this case it is. It is there just to rhyme. It in no way adds to the poem, and you can tell that it was the only word you could think of to rhyme. Try and stay clear of forcing rhyme because it really detracts from a poem.
regarding some deleted poem...	boldsilence 68.11.251.86	22-Jun-04/11:22 AM
Better than the last one...
Re: what i do? by trina_marie_73	boldsilence 68.11.251.86	22-Jun-04/11:22 AM
Very cliche...
regarding some deleted poem...	thepinkbunnyofdoom 216.196.149.35	22-Jun-04/11:23 AM
Wrong... Just Wrong... How can you even begin to see Lord Of The Flies in just terms of good and evil? Its about so much more than such a simple thing as good and evil. Key Point Being children need guidance to become a part of Adult Society. Notice, the more Mature children are the last to give into being feral. A -10- based on intelligent thought, but please Reread the book. I think you missed some of the gems written into it.
Re: The Sea (revised) by Dovina	boldsilence 68.11.251.86	22-Jun-04/11:26 AM
First off, thanks for reviewing my poem, Inside. This poem was really good. The images were remarkable. I loved your wording. I would have elaborated a little more on the last two stanzas, explain what you meant a little bit more, but that's my only complaint. -Nichole-
Re: Strings and Sinews by aburiedlife	boldsilence 68.11.251.86	22-Jun-04/11:31 AM
It's confusing. I think you're trying to say that you're amazed that you can just throw away all the bad things in your life, but I'm not completely sure. If you edit, I'd try to make this a little clearer.
Re: Crucifixion of a Man by marvelis	boldsilence 68.11.251.86	22-Jun-04/11:34 AM
"The pain does not appear to exist. Although the slightest wind does persist." This is forced rhyme. "The slightest wind" persisting as little to do with what you talked about in the previous line. I know this is a religious piece, and it was something good that you were trying to portray, but I really have a hot button on forced rhyme, and this is forced.
Re: Insight by Moniquesuvee	boldsilence 68.11.251.86	22-Jun-04/11:37 AM
very much so
regarding some deleted poem...	Dan garcia-Black 66.159.232.44	22-Jun-04/8:19 AM
It doesn't work as a limerick because the last four lines don't scan. However, as free verse it is what it is but rhyming anus with Uranus is like rhyming cool with McCool. Were you trying for a limerick?
Re: The Sea (revised) by Dovina	Dan garcia-Black 66.159.232.44	22-Jun-04/8:30 AM
Good. #1 why clean clear not clean, clear? #2 why not And after that I loved the sea. Was it for form's sake? Besides, I like repulsive pink people at the beach... especially with wasabi, soy sauce and a side of ginger.
Re: Drunk and Fucked Up by wilco	Dan garcia-Black 66.159.232.44	22-Jun-04/8:35 AM
Resonates. last chance cigarette drunk & fucked up (two different states of being?) Yeah.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dan garcia-Black 66.159.232.44	22-Jun-04/8:40 AM
Nice denouement. Sad though.