Re: for sharon by shazpen	god'swife 4.233.113.83	22-Jun-04/12:42 PM
Terrific.
Re: any by shazpen	god'swife 4.233.113.83	22-Jun-04/12:40 PM
What's 'bespin'?
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 24.52.157.176	22-Jun-04/12:24 PM
I am with you and into the mood and the setting through s2, very nice. S3 is about mothers - the baby's, yours. It's a good connection, but a bit cumbersomely worded. S4 is haunting and lets a reader draw from her own past. Good.
Re: do you talk out loud in public? by peaceseeker	god'swife 4.233.113.83	22-Jun-04/12:26 PM
This is not as good as it was. Now it's too much "Dear Diary". It's best in the middle parts but the intro just kills it. Instead of calling him an abuser right from the get go, why don't you show us why you 'love' him. Your dealing the cards out face-up and that can be boring when the writing is this simplified. Hide the villainy at first, that might help hold the reader's interest a bit more, and it's more honesr, especially considering that you end this poem with the word love. That says loads about your co-dependence. I like this title a great deal. Get some help sweety, please, for my sake. If your both using u together go to AA.
Re: any by shazpen	god'swife 4.233.113.83	22-Jun-04/12:36 PM
There's plenty of images in the second stanza which I always applaud, though some of them, like the Egyptian eye fluid, are so wacko they're in comprehensible. I'm especially fond of thr lighter/heart analogy. Try using adjectives. The whole wacko thing is really a matter of whether or not you want the readers to know what you're getting at or maybe this is an insight meant for only you.
Re: Do You Love Me Too by DustyStar	god'swife 4.233.113.83	22-Jun-04/12:44 PM
Let's see, if some guy sent me this poem, I would think it he was sweet but a simpleton. I don't know if that's a compliment or not.
regarding some deleted poem...	god'swife 4.233.113.83	22-Jun-04/12:47 PM
Instead of writing thousands of mediocre poems you really should focus your energies on one or two. I feel like I might find this in the card rack at the supermarket under the heading CONTEMPLATING SUICIDE.
Re: Paid In Full by NoSage	god'swife 4.233.113.83	22-Jun-04/12:49 PM
This is dreadful, and in very poor taste. "Paid up your lease"? what an awful analogy.
Re: Niggers Don't Write Poetry by pain killer	pain killer 217.159.74.253	22-Jun-04/12:49 PM
TEN!
Re: West Coast Epilogue (Pseudo Triolet) by wilco	god'swife 4.233.113.83	22-Jun-04/12:51 PM
Waht means she/he was right, the poem? You don't mention what happened.
regarding some deleted poem...	god'swife 4.233.113.83	22-Jun-04/12:54 PM
Exactly! How many awful poems CAN you write? Why don't you concentrate on one. Your constant posting borders on sadism.
regarding some deleted poem...	god'swife 4.233.113.83	22-Jun-04/12:58 PM
One day you'll look back at this and feel squimish.
regarding some deleted poem...	pain killer 217.159.74.253	22-Jun-04/12:53 PM
the best thing i could come to say about this is that it's, ummm, it's mediocre. will that do? i mean HUGE CREATURES! oh do come on, it almost makes me yearn for the days of angry chickens
Re: Niggers Don't Write Poetry by pain killer	god'swife 4.233.113.83	22-Jun-04/1:06 PM
'cred'? that's a stretch , isn't it? You are the epitome of mediocrity. The Beige Knave, would be a fitting monicker.
Re: Owain Glyndwr by Nicholas Jones	god'swife 4.233.113.83	22-Jun-04/1:13 PM
Thank you, most humbly.
regarding some deleted poem...	boldsilence 68.11.251.86	22-Jun-04/11:39 AM
Very good! I'd say more, but that's all it takes. -Nichole-
regarding some deleted poem...	boldsilence 68.11.251.86	22-Jun-04/11:44 AM
I like this. I'm not sure why. Perhaps the randomness. Ha! That rhymed! Didn't mean to. Oh well! Good job! Can you see why I liked how random it was? -Nichole-
Re: A decade and five years of thought. by baphomet	boldsilence 68.11.251.86	22-Jun-04/11:47 AM
I don't like the rhyming in places, but the story is good, so I shall rate it well. Just try to stay away from forced rhyme in the future please. -Nichole-
Re: none by poetrybutterfly	god'swife 4.232.201.240	22-Jun-04/12:11 PM
Could you change 'but' to 'though' or some such thing? I don't understand the title.
Re: fire by poetrybutterfly	god'swife 4.232.201.240	22-Jun-04/12:15 PM
'loves' to?