any

Member since 2004 · Posted 16 Jun 2004 · 2 comments

it`s a bespin kind of sky-let me show you what what`s the worst that can happen? this tastes funny i`ve done this before why am I here? only you baby all invocations of discord already suffering-lost before I leave my front door castles when the day swings itself through the striped course every seed at it`s maturation-then it`s decomposition-then it`s breeze into the next shape-it`s new born-it`s new time view in the heart of one whose dreams have fleshed out--bleeding sad romance or second coming spark a lighter choking for fluid like a bubble in the heart got to have some light-watch the afterimage-then spark it again crack the Egyptian eye fluid reciever-a monolith in fragments-eyes that are searchlights jump out of heat into fog-coughing out all three mouths and grinding your limbs

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2 comments

[5] god'swife 22-Jun-04/12:36 PM Reply

There's plenty of images in the second stanza which I always applaud, though some of them, like the Egyptian eye fluid, are so wacko they're in comprehensible. I'm especially fond of thr lighter/heart analogy. Try using adjectives. The whole wacko thing is really a matter of whether or not you want the readers to know what you're getting at or maybe this is an insight meant for only you.

[5] god'swife 22-Jun-04/12:40 PM Reply

What's 'bespin'?