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Alive

Member since 2002 · Posted 8 Apr 2005 · 6 comments

There is nothing more sure Than a change that comes of nothing Than a brand new view of every sight There is nothing worth holding More than moments born from silence, nothing More than the hours no one could plan There is no sensation Like the feeling of complete And total surprise, like sunshine Out of nowhere There are no words Like the ones no one expects Like the sound of pure revelation There is no thing more real Than complete surrender

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mean 4.67 weighted 4.96 rank 8568 views 239 View voting details →

3 votes so far. Yours would make 4.3 votes so far

6 comments

[4] thepinkbunnyofdoom 8-Apr-05/12:01 PM Reply

Try not using the same word twice, much less beginning all of your sentences with "Like, Than, There, Mpre, And, Out", not only does it sound forced, It does nothing for your originality and makes your piece rather bland.

<3 Jason

[n/a] emilyowey 8-Apr-05/12:02 PM Reply

I feel the repetition adds to the continuity and style.

[n/a] Dovina › emilyowey 8-Apr-05/12:12 PM Reply

Nothing is more sure
Than a change from nothing
Than a new view of an old sight
Nothing worth holding
More than moments of silence, nothing
More than hours no one could plan
No sensation
Like the feeling of complete
And total surprise, like sunshine
Out of nowhere
No words
Like the ones no one expects
Nothing more real
Than complete surrender

[4] thepinkbunnyofdoom › Dovina 9-Apr-05/10:25 AM Reply

Excellent edit Dovina.

<3 Jason

[4] thepinkbunnyofdoom › emilyowey 9-Apr-05/10:20 AM Reply

First off there is a reply button next on the right hand side of every comment, use it. Second, its not about what you feel anymore the second you hit the submit button is it? You are being told, very blunt and honestly, that no, it doesn't add to the "continuity and style". It makes what could have been some okay verse, better used as toliet paper than read.

[n/a] tadpole 13-Apr-05/8:26 PM Reply

whoa! The first 2 lines don't really make sense to me, but I absolutely love the rest of the poem