| Re: The Snow Queen by Angeline |
Angeline 67.21.101.243 |
31-May-04/12:50 PM |
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Thanks for the vote and comment. Your suggestion is good. This poem is one in a series I'm doing about fairy tales--maybe it follows the story line too closely. And I haven't heard of Carol Shields, but I'll read her. :)
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| Re: Preacher Man by masticatedmess |
the codeine kid 217.159.74.253 |
31-May-04/12:11 PM |
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this is good man. s'like something nick cave would pass off as writing in "and the ass saw the angel"...nick cave meets flannery o connor under the shadow of the peyote. good stuff
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| Re: Dave by DR Limerick |
titan69 62.31.28.189 |
31-May-04/12:14 PM |
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| Re: bel-air by DR Limerick |
titan69 62.31.28.189 |
31-May-04/12:15 PM |
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| Re: Jenny by DR Limerick |
titan69 62.31.28.189 |
31-May-04/12:16 PM |
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| Re: The Snow Queen by Angeline |
zodiac 65.161.41.48 |
31-May-04/12:21 PM |
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"See no more than him" means they only see him. I think you mean "See no more than he," which has an invisible "does" after. Maybe you didn't. But after starting with him being blind, that kind of follows.
On the whole this one is quite a bit weaker than your others (which I wanted to say are totally ace.) The parenthesis bit is really good, though. Have you read the late, excellent Canadian novelist Carol Shields? You should. She used that parentheses image several times.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
some deleted user 24.222.81.233 |
31-May-04/11:45 AM |
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| Re: Vibrissae by ggawrysi |
zodiac 65.161.41.48 |
31-May-04/12:27 PM |
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What are you?
A hamster?
A Scottish midget?
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
tre 172.156.158.48 |
31-May-04/3:49 PM |
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should not be posted as a poem, you're from the suburbs? explains you, shit.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
ggawrysi 67.81.241.50 |
31-May-04/7:17 PM |
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everything i'd say positive or negative has been said, no need to repeat everyone else in different words.
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| Re: Spitballing by INTRANSIT |
ggawrysi 67.81.241.50 |
31-May-04/7:19 PM |
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"they, in horror, looked on" breaks the flow of a limerick, and i agree that the last line is weak. take out the commas from the horror line and that part is fixed... the rest is up to you
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| Re: The Folded Ways Your Eyes Cave by horus8 |
ggawrysi 67.81.241.50 |
31-May-04/7:21 PM |
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villanelles are tough poems to keep fresh from stanza to stanza with all the line repetition... very well done, solid on the form and vivid in content.
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| Re: smokestack blues by wilco |
ggawrysi 67.81.241.50 |
31-May-04/7:23 PM |
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i work in the music industry, and as far as a lyric goes this would be extremely difficult to put to music. as a regular free verse poem i'd give this a 9, but as a lyric i have to drop to an 8. very good imagery, by the way
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
ggawrysi 67.81.241.50 |
31-May-04/7:26 PM |
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is this really a prose-poem, or is it more free verse? doesn't matter either way, i enjoyed it... my only criticism is that a couple lines (nowhereman pointed out one of them) try too hard to be poetic and mysterious... explaining something isn't always a no-no in poetry.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
ggawrysi 67.81.241.50 |
31-May-04/7:31 PM |
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i enjoyed the sexual undertones, a nice deviation from the standard poems on this subject found throughout this site. i tend to agree that staying on the same topic gets repetitive, but it's often difficult to find inspiration in things that don't excite you, or things you don't usually think about. try changing it up; write this poem from the other person's perspective, see what happens.
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| Re: bel-air by DR Limerick |
edpeterson 68.20.9.182 |
31-May-04/7:39 PM |
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has everything a good limerick should have... lewdness, humor, and fucked up bel-air, mid-air rhyme...and it opens up with the conventional "there once was a man from.." perfect
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| Re: pie man by DR Limerick |
edpeterson 68.20.9.182 |
31-May-04/7:42 PM |
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i can only assume you are shooting to make the 20 worst board with this one, so -1-
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
caitydee 64.12.116.70 |
31-May-04/9:10 PM |
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The title alone is enough to make me love this!
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| Re: untitled: dedicated to my soldier/husband by SweetJuliet10 |
killingjuliet 142.163.145.103 |
31-May-04/9:58 PM |
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| Re: Unrealistic by EvenPicturesFade |
herbgirlofbirkenau 142.163.145.103 |
31-May-04/10:05 PM |
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i know how you feel and what you are trying to put out there - but your lyric has the predictability of any high school band. keep writing though - you have potential.
<3
emm
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