Re: a comment on Getting Pumped Up to Get Laid by PodPoet	Shardik 24.130.62.63	22-Feb-05/3:08 PM
Yes, coming from a woman that splotches out scroll after scroll of bad ovarian poetry, we only can dare to concur.
Re: a comment on The Plane of War by MacFrantic	Dovina 12.72.4.46	22-Feb-05/2:49 PM
not bad
Re: Pennies by woodstock20000	Dovina 12.72.4.46	22-Feb-05/2:47 PM
Scratch the last line. The first 5 lines seem bulky, wordy.
Re: It's a Mammal, Stupid! by D. $ Fontera	Dovina 12.72.4.46	22-Feb-05/2:44 PM
No excuse. You start well.
Re: Getting Pumped Up to Get Laid by PodPoet	Dovina 12.72.4.46	22-Feb-05/2:42 PM
"layed" in the first line. And I think what we go through for a hunk is more than a hunk goes through to get layed.
Re: Boiled by INTRANSIT	Dovina 12.72.4.46	22-Feb-05/2:38 PM
Boiled? But weren't those days in the valley sweet. Until the eruption, the realization of lies. Still it was sweet. Volcanic ash'll do that to an artichoke, as lies to a heart, but hey, shake off that ash, bloom, a little grayly maybe.
Re: a comment on Hunter Thompson, In The Off Beat Chance Of Cunnilingus by horus8	<{Baba^Yaga}> 24.130.62.63	22-Feb-05/11:45 AM
I return on the 26th
Re: Pennies by woodstock20000	nentwined 64.60.192.130	22-Feb-05/9:31 AM
I like the thought; think perhaps the poem would work better if you just started it at "I used to always think", maybe ending one with one last line summarizing the cut lines--"I grieve for those lost days"
Re: by PodPoet	woodstock20000 209.40.29.2	22-Feb-05/8:55 AM
Um, oops?
Re: The Plane of War by MacFrantic	edpeterson 68.79.203.220	22-Feb-05/8:06 AM
and the wormy piles of colons strewn across the land glistened like thin wet rats and nobody listened. the side of the bus read "fuck off" and so i did, and spilled my drippings on the bloody red madness of the day in a skirt
Re: Hunger by Dovina	edpeterson 68.79.203.220	22-Feb-05/7:31 AM
ugh
Re: Hunter Thompson, In The Off Beat Chance Of Cunnilingus by horus8	edpeterson 68.79.203.220	22-Feb-05/7:17 AM
not too carefully, I hope, or that 300 dismissal lingers, smoking a camel, right around the corner! I wonder about the words "venerated" and "fiasco", and whether you might not find something that crystalizes what you mean there a bit better. This was an absolute delight to read. It purred down the screen, finely oiled, smelling vaguely of Big Mac droppings and fat cubans. Your hair was dark and short. Nice touch. Just excellent writing and a 10 When are you due back to AP? Are you even coming back? I hope so. Things have grown a bit dull in your absence, and in the void you left, I am being attacked by all the illiterate teeny boppers, "U R an Ass. Do you get off mAkIng fun of kids with ADD?" etc etc etc...Also, I have some problems with the sound on my PC, so can't listen to the music you send me. Shame that. Trying to remedy
Re: Getting Pumped Up to Get Laid by PodPoet	edpeterson 68.79.203.220	22-Feb-05/7:07 AM
what?????
Re: Boiled by INTRANSIT	edpeterson 68.79.203.220	22-Feb-05/7:04 AM
the whole metaphor is a bit silly, and that is good. and that rhyme at the end is funny, heart to choke never to bloom artichoke. I like artichoke hearts in a nice oily pasta salad, virgin and salami, some garden fresh cherry tomatoes and buffalo mozzarella, fresh of course.
Re: The Plane of War by MacFrantic	zodiac 212.118.14.17	22-Feb-05/6:32 AM
Before reading this poem, I didn't know war was bad.
Re: Help me find a poet (This is an actual question, not a poem) by Plaidypus	zodiac 212.118.14.17	22-Feb-05/6:31 AM
Jeremi B. Handrinos
Re: A Child's Christmas by Sasha	zodiac 212.118.14.17	22-Feb-05/6:26 AM
"But stopped because the star was not the floor" is too cute. :-(
Re: Kaleidoscopic (Re-Edit) by Sasha	zodiac 212.118.14.17	22-Feb-05/6:23 AM
These are the rough lines: with old components, as you brush or soap, with stranger friends who blow us off with “Nope, - I can't say what's wrong with them exactly, except the first one should probably not have a "brush or" and the second is simply too run-on to end with Nope. I can't remember how it was before. I thought maybe better?
Re: Boiled by INTRANSIT	zodiac 212.118.14.17	22-Feb-05/6:21 AM
its' should be its. Artichoke, what?
Re: Hunger by Dovina	zodiac 212.118.14.17	22-Feb-05/5:43 AM
Dear Christ this is bad. I mean, not just grammar bad, Though that's a big part of it. It's simply philosophically unsound, Callous to the extreme, Dangerous, And all around poorly conceived and phrased. To read this comment, please print it in a single line of text on a rock and fling it at your head. I'm being absolutely serious. So none of this 'zodiac just likes to pick out little things and ignore the blah blah blah' crap, please. PS-I just read your comment beginning "War is bad." Consider taking some of your own advice.