an your total is six.

A good hook. you could rather put "hang me on a Mississippi tree" and increase your market share, I think.

quite nice, this. I think you could loose most of the commas though (not hers) and it would be stronger for it (especially the ones before "and").

After the beating you took on Recycled Stardust, I thought how good it is to read poetry about science-philosophy and how your efforts might improve. I mean this constructively: Time's End by Quarton On mountain's towering white crest, Winter’s hold weakens in warm spring winds, Tiny droplets freed from frigid grip, Meld in rills of pristine water, Gaining strength, Like visceral search for truth, Reflecting life's odyssey through time, Dancing splashes of clarity and meaning. But as rivers cease to run in Autumn, So too us, Slowly, aging waters recede, Current diminishes to a trickle and disappears. All traces gone, An arduous journey From creation to realization, to oblivion, Another cycle completed. Harbinger of spring's re-emergence The renewal of passage begun anew.

Some pretty good lines in this and interesting enough to hold my interest.

Too sappy and forget the rhyme. Try free verse.

Nice try but this just doesn't work for me. Sorry:) IMO, you should try writing poetry with no rhyme. This would permit you to use words other than those which rhyme and perhaps improve the content and flow. For most poets today, rhyme is seldom used and when it is, much skill is needed to avoid sounding forced or using words that are obviously chosen based upon rhyme and not on their merit. Robert Frost could do it but for you and me, free verse is much better. So use rhyme sparingly until you become more proficient as a poet. I hope this helps.

Though a bit confusing, I liked this. One minor suggestion; "The luscious bird hath finally flown" Hath seems out of synch with the rest of the poem and, IMO, it reads better with "has."

Nothing personal but this is awful. It reads like a bad soap opera. Sorry:)

A little too sappy for my taste but you have some good lines.

Very good. I like the way you pertray the girl and the how you make here speak, good attention to detail there. The second line in the second couplet troubles me. I know there has to be a smoother way to write that. That first couplet though, is killer, great meter, concise intro, very strong, it grabs me. if you left out the last two lines in the first long stanza, it would have more impact. Let the reader come to some conclusions. Don't explain it for us. it's so much sweeter when you let the audience figure it out. Also 'you understand?' is a funny and real. It makes a nice way to end the stanza. Is she talking to you or are you talking to us? I like that. You don't need 'I thought' at the beginning of the next stanza, or 'written'. This stanzas confusing, yo9u got ''thought' twice, again, maybe if you removed the first one it would be easier, or you could change 'the' to 'these' in front of 'thought' in the 3rd line. 'of a foreign tongue' The endings perfect, so overall a good poem, I enjoyed it.

Yes, it sounds sappy as you say, but what are friends for?

Reminds me of an enprawning.

A lot of prose here, but not a lot of meaning. Could use a lot of shortening.