INTRANSIT
on Gone Away by ez2replace
15 Jan 2004, 12:47 PM
Life can only get better in the future, but lives in misery. Hmmm. I'll get back to you.
And WHOOOMP!!!! There it is. the baby, off course.
Best of luck to you. I haven't got the kind of nerve it takes to display my soul for such judgements. Good for you, may your efforts be rewarded.
HARSH: Ungentle, severe, austere.
POIGNANT: Affecting or moving the emotions.
TALENT: A special natural ability.
Everyone should know what it means, it''s perfectly clear. The boy has a natural ability for telling stories, in an ungentle austere manner, that affect the emotions of the audience. For me, life itself is a harsh poignant matter, so I'm attracted to such a portrayal of it.
some kind of artist I hear.
The poem you wrote so doesn't make any sense? What kind of poet are you?
Nice ideas but too didactic. It is not for you to tell the reader how it is but to relate your feelings and perceptions.
Chinese room - a man is sent into a room not understanding chinese, but nevertheless given a book which helps him transform chinese questions into answers.
Thanks so much for the compliment. I spent all night finishing a manuscript that had to be postmarked today, and by the time I got to bed (7 this morning) I felt awful about it. If I win, I'll put "harsh, poetic talent" on the cover. Thanks.
Definitely better. I'd still mix it a bit more. Compare: Middleman to Lunge-fish.
Middleman was first.
Sorry to leave you hangin'. I'm trying a financial hail-mary move right now. It's fly or die time.
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I gots no problem with humor, it just seems out of place for this piece. But then GW just pulled it off. I dunno.
yeah, id like to see that.
The thing that makes it a bit hard is that i started all theoretical 'n introspective and added the ending when i realized the piece turned out.. well fucking rigid and somewhat dull.
extending the metaphor into the theory bits used will certainly be messy, but fuck it, its been too long since my last signature food metaphor piece..
Skull soup is fine title-wise.
Not quite. intermix the theory with the cooking. Make it SLOPPY! It's too neat. We can see what's in the soup. Make us taste it. I know. It's painful to break it up and start over sort of. I can show you one of mine where My metaphor was so good I had to extend it and the poem morphed into something better. if you want.
well, I dont see what else I can add to that quote.. and "shit" kills most of the humor intended no?
Your cloaking device is failing.
shit. lose the "shit" It's definitely worth giving the time to.
expletive?
muttering more.. well, lets see where I can add some more of that 'n extra cookin after I lighten some of the theory some first.
I read in a book somewhere-"you have to be willing to write badly". It gave no mention of sexual preference. I have not read this. I did count the lines though. Good exercise for you.
Lose the expletive/replace it. Use the cooking metaphor more. Mutter more. Lighten up the Theory. A dusting will do fine here.