INTRANSIT
replying on Skull Soup v.2 by SupremeDreamer
15 Jan 2004, 6:11 AM
Keep it. Lose the expletive. That's D.A.s' territory. Dirty up this kitchen. Put it in the microwave until it's ready to explode, then open the door!!! Scoop it into a bowl and add a dusting of theory: the absurd and foolish paragon. Mutter more.
like you're talking to yourself while cooking.
OH NO! I've gone cross eyed!!!
Well, no that hasn't been said before, (well, asfar as i know anyway) its in quotes since thats what im muttering outloud to myself. (Unneeded?)
I like the title. why is the say nothing in quotes? Has it been said before? damn. that's a really good direction to take this poem. sprinkling it with the poetic theory. love the closure.
smokin' good. I don't think you need breaks at all. Look up poetandknowit and compare. Unless you are he.
What in christ's name is a "harsh, poignant talent"?
Brilliance. How excellent to see it. After so long in the swamp, finally a bit of art.
'It was a bad near miss'
and from then on the poem takes hold of me, lovers trying to save a small life together, naked. their hearts just as frail, and their present life snared together. I love this poem. You have a harsh, poignant talent. My favorite.
I grew up with a sister. Only 11 monthes between us. She was older and a perfect bitch. Pretty fucking scary. Thanks for the poem, the tome is yet to be compiled, but if I did, I would certainly include this excellent truth. We are ruthless, we girls. But women are wholey some other thing. Just wait. Your barbarous offspring will grow into your best supply of joys once again. You'll see.
Ah the joys of fatherhood. I have 2 teenaged daughters and therefore have had much experience in the "War Zone" you allude to here.....cold sweats....flashbacks...lost nights of sleep....the whole 9 yards! I like the connection you've made here between the cosmetic practices of teenaged girls and the battlefield. It definately works. The "Stop using my makeup BITCH" line made me chuckle....true love between sisters hath never been so strongly expressed! Stay strong...this too will pass. -9- See ya on the Brooklyn Queens Expressway!
thanks for the 7, Its supposed to b "depressing" thats y I write it, most of my poems are written when I'm angry or sumtin, no I don't have prozac, I don't even take meds for depression, I think I should but my mom won't take me to the doc
Good, but irk? My ownly complaint would be a touch muddled, but highly imaginative. Structure was flawless, bravo.
Maybe but so is judging people.
A little too much silliness really. 'My state of mind is a real disgust'???!. I don't care if it does rhyme.
Not dead keen on sestinas, this is good though.
A couple of picks. 'salt moisture'? and 'growl for sleep'
A nice wandering story, grandmaster Dark angel may correct me on this but I think the line breaks are a bit off.
Like the ending, probably the poems best line.
my limerick is based on true events. MM poked his groin at a security guy backstage, and the security guy sued him.
Oh, well done! So that's what a sestina is. I'll have to have a go at one. Has it rhythmical requirements, or does it require only the reuse of the end words?
strick should be stricken. I don't know what mistiful should be -- misted? mistful?
yep i have reached a higher level of gayness here..... I have to admit...