SILYLILGURL
on This is Bad by newagepoet2000
30 Dec 2003, 8:54 PM
i liked it but you brought to much attention to how bad it was!
Thats ummm interesting i give it a 10!!!!
thats funny!!!! i love it!! it's so crazy it might work!!!
someone gives me a two and doesn't tell me where I went wrong? *sigh* then how can I improve my work!?
TO fair12 (comment indentation has malfunctioned)
What's amazing is that you believe a magical super-being swooped down to planet Earth and took on humanoid form. You also believe that this pseudo-earthling was the SON of god AND was god at the same time, you also believe He had various special moves like the ability to walk on water, the ability to make small quantities of bread and fish become large quantities of bread and fish, and some other completely arbitrary and indiscriminate powers - like the ability to heal certain random cripples he happened to bump into (but not the ones He didn't bump into because they were naughty) and the ability to bring someone back from the dead even though that person would have been in Heaven or Hell at the time, and if they were in Hell then their eternal damnation wouldn't have been very eternal, and if they were in Heaven, why would they want to be brought back to life anyway? You also believe that despite the fact that this humanoid was supposedly omniclever, He still prayed to God (aka Himself), to beg for an alternative to crucifixion, even though anyone who was omniclever would already know the answer to such a prayer, and anyway, why pray to yourself?
Your comment doesn't address the issues put forward in this poeme in anywhere near a satisfactory way. The way I see it, the poeme is trying to say that if there truly is a benevolent Jesu - as the Bible claims - then He probably wouldn't condone child molestation on an unreasonable scale. However, child molestation exists, and given that Jesu (if He existed) would have the power to stop it, why doesn't He stop it? And why does He manufacture child molesters in His secret laboratory in the first place? And don't say "free will" because it is perfectly possible to have a world without child molestation that still has free will. Do you molest children? Do you have free will? If God is willing to intervene in order to hold this particular victim's "faithless ass up, not allowing evil to take that final step of control", then why isn't He willing to go all the way and magically generate a force field around the child's buttocks that wards off molestation completely? Hmm?
What is also amazing is that there is a staggeringly simple answer to all these problems: The Bible is a complete load of balls. Thanks.
God is simply positively charged atoms working in a universe of strings. You don't have to perpetuate your money or children or control to understand god is not having to control anything. You should study up on some budhism and get with it. This christian god thing is as pathetic as the pagan green man all the way to the egyptiand ra to jesus, to budha, to the garden the floods the angels the space men the krishna it's all the same, it wasn't until the fucking jews decided to starrt writing it all down the way they wanted to in order to regain control of the women and their goddess religions that shitted started to go south. I bet you haven't even read the bible? I bet I could up end evry fucking article of faith you've ever stood on, sentence by sentence. 300,000 years since neanderthal went cro magnun, and you're talking about faith while at the same time passing judgement. Here's some news. You are both wrong and simple minded.
"The final step of control"? What are you falling asleep watching the sci fi channel. If anyone is out for control it's religion and all you fucking faith and land mongers. Selling 700 club prayer towels and taking advantage of peoples lose fucking change. Causing every war to date. Yeah, he's your faith right here. Blind and usual. Ever wonder wht John the babtist was beheaded. It was because he was a psychotic asshole that couldn't mind his own fucking business.
I have that habit too, though much less these days- I've learned to take more time shaping a poem, but still miss things, since most of the time I'm amped.
Then again, its one of the reasons I post my work, so others can point out what I miss, etc.
Opinionated or not, I tend to agree with you. I still have the bad habit of rushing into posting without that one-last-read-through. Slowing down is an on and off problem for me. I need to MAKE time for this so I can think and listen more.
Thank you for your patience, -=Dark_Angel=-. I had family over and saw them off this morning. Also, thank you for this challenge and the opportunity to stretch myself.
Here goes.
Still taking the title into consideration, I think the poem is a variation on the "sands of time " theme with the writer suggesting the reader consider the theme from an infirm persons point(assumed). The rock (the decrepit person)is aware and at a point where they are comfortable with knowing that death is near (the blowing wind). This however goes against "the uneven lines of every faked smile", which suggests the opposite.
The "cabbage white butterfly" is not actually a butterfly. It is a metaphor for what a short span of life (healthy) people have and that when we "have" our life (the butterfly) we also (get some of it on ourselves) through the events of our lives the "cabbage" which leaves marks behind (the white powder) which is left behind from white butterflies and by cabbage.The poem could have stated another type of butterfly, one that left a dark or black powder, however, I believe the poet chose white for a (pure) image. White traditionally represents purity. Or a life that has not yet been (scarred) by time. I have not actually seen white cabbage. This does not mean that white cabbage does not exist. The residue is what the poet was actually wanting, I believe. The poem also suggests that decrepit people have difficulty with speech at some point. Which makes it difficult for a healthy person to communicate with, and understand, someone of failing health. There is still much more that i havn't touched on. Thank you for forcing me to slow down and take a fine toothed comb to Mr. Richards' poem. It has revealed many things to me. I have unfortunately lost my secondary view in this process. If it returns, I will share.
I am not so concerned with getting the marks as I am in learning from this experience. Feel free to challenge me again. If there is more to discuss here, By all means, E-mail me.
the bashing of religion on this site just amazes me... first of all - it is not God who causes children to be molested, young people to die or any other evil that goes on in this world - man allows his faith to be so weak that evil seeps in and takes control. You wonder where God was - He was holding your ungrateful, weak, faithless ass up, not allowing evil to take that final step of control.
I do not think that common verbs are necessarily a bad thing.
Should I've used "gazed", "glanced", "strolled" or "wander" instead? That would be pointless as they do not bring anything to the poem just clutters it up. When it says "watched" I do mean watched not gazed or glanced, if I did I would have used another word instead.
I may sound a tad angry, but I am not, I actually value good critizism. The good as well as the bad
Care to share them with the rest of the group? In particular, what is the significance of the "wind facing rock" and the "cabbage white butterfly"? [HINT In order to obtain full marks, it is necessary to state why the rock is wind facing and why the butterfly is cabbage white]
20 marks
I wanna one day project a veil of mass confusion on society...... with my work... in its infantcy of meshing now.. heh.
Earlier today I gave this poem a ten; reading it again, its still ten BUT
since I'm an opinionated asshole, I have some suggestions:
"searing molten steel whip" three adjectives make the flow buckle.. how about cutting out "searing" since we know its molten?
"Hold fast your shape, as he wields the"
Ending the line at "the" also causes the flow to stumble.. how bout
"Hold fast your shape as he wields the work-blows,"
making the next line
"and reply with the ever affirming clank"
and the last line of S1
"as you have done since your casting."
Thats all.
I don't act important.. I just act like an asshole with a pen 'n too much time on my hands. Oh and did I mention that I love to write? NO REALLY. SOON I'LL PUBLISH MY BEATNIK & METH ANTHOLOGY (first step in conquering the planet, next step is spiking the water supply with lsd, convincing everyone im Jesus and that their head is actually an orange.)
Anyway, heres a seven.
make sure you weep with a condom on!
Man, thanx fr that:o)
Thanx, would keep that in mind fr next time :o)
Any friend just would have said hey jeremi you know this is only soso here's a 6.? See, how that works, so if he wants to drop my pants and try to punk me out because he's a stiff? Fuck him and fuck you. Two can play at that game.