horus8
replying on Under Blood Oak by horus8
6 Oct 2003, 3:47 AM
Are you making a pass out me.
Close, but more south.
thank god.
hey I'm on AIM at Impishkat
and now to rate it. I think it is a piece worthy of praise there for I give you a 9 to bad there can't bea 6, right ;) kidding of course
Interesting.
Umm... the suit was green.
I mentioned it because I couldn't tell. I can't tell green from yellow. It's all about things you can't tell until too late
Kinda like something in this. why was green the color you picked though? Just wondering
sorry about the text-= it should read linear--will repair soon, friends
'Now I die' seems hyperbolic and a lot of the rhymes seem forced 'knee/me, swim dim'
Still fast flowing and not too painful
the rhythm breaks down a bit at 'through the mountain valley blissful the fungae forest meaty mushrooms'
overall it flows pretty well though
like the leafs fall at the beginning, could do with compacting though
well carried, nice rhythm, a little prosaic.
And crickets never sing
through all four seasons
was my favourite phrase
white and irish - cant be a gangster then.
It isn't really much of a poem, but it is a well structured story (providing it is going anywhere)
In short- Moses went up the holy mountain to speak to god. The form god had when he spoke to moses was a burning bush.
this was before he went back to egypt and freed the enslaved hebrews, went back up the holy mountain to recieve the ten commandments- his followers breaking each commandment as he recieved them- and came down to see the atrocities being done.
And then moses got all bummed and pissy and smashed the ten commandments, returning to his tent to sadly ponder the 40 years of wandering that he was then looking forward to.
have i cleared up the confusion?
NOT SO MUCH A POEM?
if you know about then answer my question.
since it did have = didnt have
fucking typos.. ah fuck it.
DreamerSupreme
replying on Roman Toes Power the Local Crushery by DreamerSupreme
5 Oct 2003, 9:31 AM
"enter"
:)