richa
on My love for Katie by Stephen Robins
6 Oct 2003, 10:51 AM
If you are a stranger making lewd comments about a young katie, then you are disgusting.
If she is your sister or something, I guess it is OK
Wow, how long did it take you to think that up? Whatever ?-Dickless_Mystery-?
trying to get a feeling of physical distance with the last line.
Turds like that are better left unflushed for the next unsuspecting depositer.
Amen.
I am appalled by your verbosity. Your work is weighed down with superfluous verbiage. You will never get Katie to fellate you at this rate.
Your chances of succeeding in this respect are about as high as your chances of being requested by Max Clifford to assist a premiership football team in spit-roasting a 17 year old Catholic schoolgirl in the bedroom of a luxury hotel.
One of your best. I loved the title and the description of the leaf catching- my daughter says it is good luck to catch one in the air. You ought to submit to CBW.
you have something nice going here, but i think you need to decide whether you are addressing the audience directly, or speaking to us only in asides. If you're talking to us, lose the parentheticals, i say.
The slag is shacked up with Gentle Ben on the everglades and spends not less than three hours each day fisting the big bear's big arse. She is such a pricktease.
bravo!!!
where is dear katie?
have you got her in a false-closet with a non-functioning toilet? again?
Maybe the republican guard should shoot them all in their black-encircled eyes?
Is crazy. This is crazy freeform flow/klang association. Well, at least it rhymes part way; all good poems rhyme, right?
"Friendly on tap
just for a little while."
not sure this works where you have it
also, typo:
She works wothout seam!!
smooth it out, rich. it's got po-10-shall
A contemplation on suicide with a nice twist to it. This touching the lips of a lover must be a universal thing; such a nice image.
And I think the refrain works really well.
"Lo, had the blankest of cold stares"
huh?
lo--how are you using this?
it generally means 'look at that' or 'over there, look!'
also, use a comma or a colon instead of ellipsis, and fix the apostrophe: Ireland's
the poor hard-working sphincter gets no credit, as usual.
shame! shame on you, mrpresident!
Erm, if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. I'm keeping schtum.
Shift s-3 to s-1. or use it as kindling. sock me in the gut, would you?
My opinions about your poetry are entirely contained within my remarks. Therefore, if you don't like my remarks, you don't like my opinions about your poetry. If you can't accept some criticism, you'll never develop as a poet. I can understand your stupidity, but I can't eggscuse your arrogance.
Also, you can't make your comments more true by writing Yiddish at the end of them.
?-Dave_Mysterious-?
replying on Life on the Sidewalk (with superfluous vulgarisms) by ?-Dave_Mysterious-?
6 Oct 2003, 5:10 AM
I am about 5000 times more articulate than you. Quite what my penis, which you seem to have developed some fascination with, has to do with my skill at poetry, I'm not really sure. And it was a '57 Coupe Deville. With a Corby trouser press attachment.
Which of your personas hate me?