J.B. Manning
on Summer by MaliqaTara
2 Sep 2003, 3:53 PM
I almost wanted to stop half way through and call it cliche' but I read on and the ending closed it just fine. I still think there are a lot of cliche' references, but it has feeling, which is more important the mechanics anyway.
hmmm
Kind of good, kind of hard to read. I think you could revise this to something much better. Some of the ryme works and some of it is very hard to read. Good work for a first draft.
oooooooooh really
redundancy to fit in the framework of a haiku. I don't like it.
Dip Dap pap smear (Free cued tipper) by What happened to my Jello?
Guy's a gag, an American gag
a great gag, a gay gag
a great, big, American, jay bird
I've got my fly on Guy
Why's my fly on Guy?
Well, Guy, that great, American jay
that greased, bag, jay bird
He has no teetheseses.
thereforing, he stealith my jello
still warm.
For sure.
ha Ha ha. Spelling is the least of your worries. This poem makes hallmark look imaginative.
Very good.
Thanks for pointing that out. I fixed it.
If she had been given a large bag of peaches (enough to share) I wonder would she have hid them all away or if she would share.
You did architecture studios twice. You are right about the acceptance level at art school, I used to work at "MECA" with my hairy legs.
"Yuki" indeed! At least my narrator did it in the car. Be considerate, you snake. But you did provoke some nostalgia for me, you know, the good old days of having sex in college dormrooms while roommates "sleep".
Abuelita? Little grandmother?
I like your style.
Nice.
As a matter of fact, in terms of genetics and agriculture, the word peach is often used interchangeably with nectarine because the only differences are the smooth versus fuzzy skin, the nectarine's darker color, and the stronger flavor. Metaphor that non-fiction!
No offense, but unlike yourself, I know the difference between sex and love- and here, the poem is definitely more about sex than love- which is not to say that there is no loving sentiment toward the other adulterer on the part of the narrator.
Yeah, you got me!
Wait, is the naughty secret pleasurable to keep, or painful. You know me - black or white? I wonder if tasting the delicious fruit is your way of counteracting the pain of the secret. . .
(all under fictious terms, of course).
What does keeping the "naughty secret" accomplish? In my experience, pleasure shared is pleasure multiplied.