BleedingRose
replying on The Bleeding Rose by BleedingRose
30 May 2003, 5:27 PM
Thank you for the sentiment. Please tell me what you think the next time i revise it. :)
1950's this poem reminds me of, i said shake rattle roll, shake rattle roll, shake rattle roll... SccccccccRACH... oops, but the record is now offically broke! GROOVY DEWD!
I do know what a kidney is. It's a...uh....an....well,Iused to know what a kidney was until I started driving a truck! I'm working on my literacy, be patient. please. I don't want to get top heavy and flip over taking a curve too fast. Poemranker is my twelve-step program to recovery. I'm doing well. Thank you for your concern -=Dark_Angel=-.
our poetry is always work in progress...but the best thing about poetry..it is our innermost feelings...all in all I would say the poem has redeeming qualities...maybe a little work here and there but still a moving poem
this is very good
ooo hmmm yum.
clawed and caged are two syllables each chewie, not one.
Also haikus can be less then 17 syllables, according to any higher than 'intermediate' creative writing instructor.
i would give a higher rank, but it doesn't follow 5-7-5 syllable restriction
but the content is very cool
Aww!! Isn't Misha such a sweetie *kisses* Thanks Hunniz
why are you daring me to call you a fake
There are some lovely images here, and powerfully simple details. Plus I'm a sucker for Azure. I once dated the most beautiful American indian lass named Azure she was incredibly attractive, and passionate. I met her at a party and sold her some shrooms, and she left with me, it was winter in Michigan, and my car's passenger window and sunroof were blown out and I had plastic over them, my car looked like a fucking submarine/hoopdie I was so embarassed because when you hit 50 or so the cabin would pressurize it was really funny, but she could of cared less ahhhh youth. Wasn't it preciously disposable.
fruitcake flame'
Pretentious and totally center field. Cool structure however and simple enough to have a sense of a balance somewhere in its edited future.
Well yeah?
Why don't you do the Phillip seymour story instead Shardik. You seem to have some left handed gusto today, you fucking write it asshole. I'm going to light some vanilla incense and put in a Depeche Mode live CD and make an avacado tuna bagel medium toasted and diced picles in the tuna, touch of garlic and green onion, pour myself a glass of guava juice (fresh) with eight ice cubes. Okay?
The last stanza saved your ass, because it's posh up until that last pretty step.
okay, cuz im yur friend and all, i have to point out little things. there are a few bumps in the proverbial road of this poem. when they are smoothed it makes it easier for people to read and know what youre saying. the bumps include instances where ryhmes or lengths dont match up well (lines 1 and 8 maybe). and in certain areas you cease to use the pattern used throughout the rest of the poem (3rd stanza) but this IS free verse and you very well may have wanted it that way so maybe i shouldnt say anything. NEwho, i feel the idea behind it(though it may be a tad depressing). 8 on principal :)