INTRANSIT
on Snowblind by horus8
23 Jan 2003, 4:27 PM
I hate it when that happens!
Subtle and smoothe tweaks. have a bow. I'm mobile again, want I should visit? Love the contrast of the static radio and the clear wndchimes. you are the great educator. 2nd of course to Z.
What powerful images. I feel the ritual very plainly. Some questionable lines as far as flow goes, but overall a very powerful piece.
Very nice. That last line took me aback. I had to re-read it to make sure I read it correctly. Good imaging.
How bittersweet. Death is the seventh veil. We make so much up and add too much importance to it. The dead laugh at us, or so I've read. I'm so sorry I have to go, my son doesn't have a single pair of clean underwear and the washers on the blink. My father died 8 years ago, and i'm barely now able to approach him. He comes for tea, sleeps in my bed. He is a comfort and all the things he couldn't be while existing in this tragic realm. Talk with you later I hope. Kisses on your forehead.
So are you giving me a 26? Wow, you are sooooooooooo sweet DA!!!! xoxoxoxoxo
The girls actually gave me that word. They said it. The money was for church programs that promoted....well. I wanted to put it in the first draft but did not know how. I told Z, she said it should go in and I struggled for a week to get it in there. I had it all over the place. I don't think it is sexual in the poem; it simply gives a bit more depth to what the girls are doing. In the physical world selling the wind chimes has to be for something. That would be there innocence, I guess. I think it relates to the narrarator and what he has ultimately turned away. His transition. It is weird, but the further a death moves into the past the more convoluted the images become when personalized. I can still put images of the physical event into a clear picture, but my grief is wrapped up in all sorts of mixed metaphors. Thanks for the read. I did not change the first line. But I changes the second!!
You are oblivious despite yourself. Get more funding.
Wonderful if you mean it. As I told Ranger, show me what you see, sketch it out for me, don't tell me how you feel anymore, it's presumptuous, and worst of all , boring. I went to an art exhibit at UCLA last weekend and 90% of the students were horrible hacks because they believed it wasn't necessary to have the fundamental skills to draw something recognizable. I see the same arrogance here at poemranker. If you take a look at PAKI's work as you say you will you'll find the simple ability to make things understood. Also Ornella-in-disguise, hair slicked back wearing an eyebrow-pencil-mustache, finally gets the fucking point a couple of times. Stop trying to run when you can't even let go of the coffee-table without wobbling and falling over. DESCRIBE a THING forget about feeling. They are to intence and you can only start at the very beginning. Tell me what you look like. That is your first exercise. Look in the mirror, look around the room.
This is really deliteful, a good strong edit. My only small complaint is 'abstinence' they arre so young you couldn't mean sexual so ... I'm left wondering. Otherwise flawless, a real pleasure.
This reminds my of a time when i was cleaning out the park's toilet.
You are a funny, funny guy. Has anyone ever told you that?
Thank you. Some times my brain gets fuzzy hunting snarks.
neat-o
I like the leaves of leather, but it should be SHOULD HAVE, not SHOULD OF.
That is all.
If you're having trouble squeezing through, a little fisting will loosen that up.:D
The point of love? From a strictly biological standpoint, that particular combo of endorphins is to ensure that our genes will be passed on. Then you get into that other stuff. I'd normally say,"don't worry hon, you'll find someone right for you one day", but you likely won't. remember, "the only constant in all your failed relationships is you." Hugs 'n' zeros!
Ow! The angst! That hurt. I think blades of steel might cause agony. The seat of the soul is not in the heart. for the last time,it's in the left buttock. As for the last line, that's pretty much the advice I'm trying to give you, gothboy. Oh...don't cry. Here, have a kleenex, your eyeliner's running.