Eline
replying on The ONE by Eline
4 Dec 2002, 12:23 PM
It's actually for Krishna, but you're generally right.
How long did this take to write? And exactly what are you shooting for? Reaction? Abstraction? Realism? Surrealism? Warholism? Gymnasium? Is this the individual proletariats response to oppression in the work place? A response to a bar rejection? A failing grade? What do you mean. Do you want to start a revolution? Or are you just a young boy with nothing better to do and loads suburban angst?
Pardon me for sounding so serious. However, my comment was truly meant in laughable jest. Complete and utter sarcasm in the kindest sense. I find UAFANTHORPEY and his peeps quite amusing.
Fascinating that people in the US subscribe to the notion of an English gangsta culture. Ali G, what have you done for Britain's image? If there is a UK gangsta culture, it is synthetic - macho posturing derived entirely from Kingston, Jamaica, and American rap artists (and their followers). Yes, and the notion is promoted by cynical and greedy record labels. It is also funny to reflect on the image of "the mean streets of London" as if the UK capital was a sprawling Bronx. Parts of Lewisham and Southwark might fit that category but I still think London is better known for our palaces and our changing of the guard than our chewing of the ganga or however you like to ingest it. PK might be disappointed in his hunt for the criminal metropolis around Belgravia, Holland Park and Kensington. If he wants an adrenalin buzz he would be better off exploring Johannesburg or Soweto. By comparison the UK and US "gangstas" are just big girls' blouses.
Thank you, Hatters Hare. You flatter me. I am glad you enjoyed it.
In this effort are you confusing punk song with say, hardcore song (you youngsters always seem to confuse the two),? Based on the words etched in blue I would vote the latter. If so, are you suggesting, or at least inferring by the chosen title, that all of these songs song alike or are attempting to affect the listener the same way?
decline. slip. away.
how about a mobile-type-shape? like 'unsaid'?
i am experimenting with more organic shapes these days, p&k. but if would please you, i will write an octagon. or perhaps, if i am feeling adventuresome, even a dodecahedron.
why this type of line breaking for the haiku?
I just love the hardcore English gangsta poems. It makes me want to explore further the mean streets of the criminal metropolis we call London.
What, when you were 14?
What does "pah" mean? I am at a loss when it comes to the spelling of verbal utterances.
If it were a pimple poem it would have simple words like moon, wonderful, lover, heart and lots of ...s. Maybe you should put it in an octagon.
pah.
Is this like the poetic version of the Tenacious D song "Tribute"?
i'm not so sure this is anything more than a bitchslap, thrown up to air my wounds for a spell. but thanks for giving it credence and treating it as more than a pimple poem,which, i think, is what is ultimately is.
dear n.m.,
here's a harmonizing voice to add to razor's chorus:
not only in dreams, but some of us walk the earth, and wear our ardent libidinous loins on our sleeves. some of the softer-bodied sex consider it unseemly to admit that atavistic hunger, and prefer to deny the drive; i do not suffer from these ills. z
nicely done.
After reading this twice, I was left with no real understanding of your poems meaning. There are too many metaphors and they seem forced. Ex... "In between the twinkle of my exploited eyes.." or: "In the soundproof clandestine tub of my soul..."
I did like parts of your poem and would like to see more concrete and understandable metaphors and imagery. All I know about the "You" in your poem are a bunch of metaphors with no real meaning that I can perceive. Good luck:)
I am not the fan 1) of what if poems and 2) questions in poems. The questions are what we ask ourselves to get to the point of some sort of answer or resolution, which is the poem. But that is only my opinion. Intransit gave you a big score and he is obviously the general audience.