Christof
on the girl what gave scott the look by UAFANTHORPEY
18 Oct 2002, 6:12 AM
Your mate Scott is an idiot.
I liek the reminiscence and the ending of the poem, but i don't know about the beginning - maybe it seems a bit wordy, and I don't quite see the connection between Vick and you becoming a 'person you can love'. The conversational tone of the rest of it is ace though. And Larkbeat Twoshoes is a fantastic name.
Thanks for your help, is there any thing I could've done better?
Also the "bears" is a stab at the stock market. I do see the bears as other bill collectors though. Gotta haul some cars for a while( ironically enough). Chat in a few days:)
Pretty pants. If you're going to write a limerick, try and make it scan. Or else it's not a limerick, just a freaky rhyming poem.
Sorry, but I think it's idiocy. Listening to The Streets raises the same dilemma, but I think in that case the answer is genius.
I like the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory reference. Those Oompah Loompahs always used to frighten me when I was a kid.
I like the line about the squirrels - they're everywhere at the moment, stockpiling their nuts for winter.
Are you Ali G's little brother?
Why the wicky wicky wah wah is dat so good man it is da best since my poem "why i look like a man" if you were teh presedent i could let you kiss mah baby man you is da coolest since the crays mon, if you lived near me i would find dat girl and show her teh ways of teh man and punch that gay scotty dog as he is as gay as dat snoop dog
'generally a cheap tramp'?
I like the fact that you follow the fishing metaphor all the way through now, and I like the approaching menace of the bears at the end.
Yep, best place for them.
Neither had I until I saw this particularly nauseating couple in the park the other day. All that laughing and giggling and big eyes and yuck. Am I a curmudgeon? very probably.
I remember swinging as hard as I could on the swing in my back garden, then deliberately jumping off as fast as I could. I never thought of the swing as an implement of destruction, though.
I think you've got some problems with meter.
ooh I'm glad you like my stuff.
i think you're (god's wife) one of the besties here.
it anoys so many people the way I write. either rhyme or
dont. but this one in paticular is a punk song played
very fast. so I don't catch these rule of writing
imperfections at conception.
sorry. I do appreciate your comments.
This truly sounds as if you wrote a rhyming affair and then stuck it in a mass of enjambments so that either we wouldn't notice or if we did we'd think it was modern genius. Are you sure it wouldn't work better in the original line breaking?
This is either sheer genius or sheer idiocy. I really can't decide which.
Very tritely put.
aren't you cute. like my 14 year old step-sister's snatch. blaachk.