on some deleted poem
5 Sep 2002, 6:45 AM
Why does Dark Angel always sound as if he's being sarcastic?
on some deleted poem
4 Sep 2002, 6:19 AM
Very direct, and I like the steam imagery
on some deleted poem
4 Sep 2002, 7:50 AM
My God that is awful... maybe too close, as you say.
on some deleted poem
5 Sep 2002, 9:00 AM
I always approach titles as a summary of the piece that follows it. Sometimes it help clarify meaning. And given that you've been at pains to explain to readers that this is about people, why not make the explanation eimplicit in the poem itself by using it as the title? Besides which, it rocks.
on some deleted poem
5 Sep 2002, 9:08 AM
We need more women like you. (It's that royal 'we' again)
on Do Swans Get Jealous? (#2) by Christof
4 Sep 2002, 5:43 AM
In the crowded parks in central London you don't have much choice.....
on some deleted poem
5 Sep 2002, 8:39 AM
Bryon was a much worse poet than Byron.
on some deleted poem
5 Sep 2002, 8:43 AM
For titles, I would just have 'We are all wrong'. As for critiques from men - we're just too nice...
on some deleted poem
5 Sep 2002, 8:51 AM
Nice is a word that covers up for a multitude of sins
on some deleted poem
5 Sep 2002, 8:56 AM
But yeah, maybe I shouldn't speak for all of malekind... But there you go again. You only do it to make sure you get high scores from me!
on some deleted poem
5 Sep 2002, 1:10 AM
Write within their limits/ What are you talking about? Without ambition or at least trying to do better we'd get nowhere. We'd still be sitting in caves grunting arhythmically. And what limits are these anyway? Don't be so stunted.
on She Thinks Of Men Waiting by Christof
4 Sep 2002, 1:04 AM
Good grief. I obviously went home too early yesterday. If I'd hung on a bit I could've joined in with you lot. I was just in the mood too. What a sexed up place this is.
on some deleted poem
4 Sep 2002, 8:55 AM
Here you are!
on some deleted poem
4 Sep 2002, 1:17 AM
I like this but is doesn't quite have the tightness of your best stuff - I'm thinking especially the last three lines of the second stanza. The last stanza though is a killer.
on Melancholia by vulcan
4 Sep 2002, 1:37 AM
I think this goes beyond Melancholia - it is a baldly stated death wish! But the phrasing is strong and , as always, your metre is powerful.
on The United Fates Of America by Lenore
4 Sep 2002, 1:51 AM
It is very interesting, as an Englishman, to read an American view of America. I don't know if a lot of Americans really know how their country is viewed by a large part of the rest of the world, but this poem at least shows real awareness. All great Empires crumble eventually - it happened to Rome, it happened to Britain... The only quibble I have is that I don't think that he with the 'heart of ice', whom I take to be Osama Bin Laden, is either cold-hearted or hungry for power - I think he is extremely hot in his passions and not hungry for power for himself but rather fixated on removing the power of his enemies.
on some deleted poem
4 Sep 2002, 9:07 AM
That is better, there's just still something not quite there... the diction in the second stanza I find stilted maybe, very unlike you, and it's a shame because this is very moving.
on some deleted poem
3 Sep 2002, 8:56 AM
No I don't understand the title either, but how could any man refuse such an offer?
on some deleted poem
4 Sep 2002, 1:53 AM
*Courageous?
on Walk With Me by Ojiboch
4 Sep 2002, 4:25 AM
I like this, it has a real freshness