on Loosed by <~>
18 Oct 2002, 7:54 AM
'brothers and lovers'? You have been paying close heed to Mrs G's work, I think. I wonder if the second stanza needs some more clarification? I'm not quite sure of how the inter-relationships work.
on Anti-Kinetic by anonymous
18 Oct 2002, 7:48 AM
There's a hint of Yoda in the final 5 or 6 lines - are you a Jedi?
on Bobbing for Apples by Rex Karrs
18 Oct 2002, 7:37 AM
Will he be biting into her? An unexpectedly visceral undertone, which I like. I also like the details about the bookworms and the honour students.
on Hunter's Moon by Rex Karrs
18 Oct 2002, 7:34 AM
Captivating. The hunter's impotence is so beautifully drawn and held back for the end. 'Shellac of frost' - very good.
on When Your Best Friend Says You Drink Too Much by jessicazee
18 Oct 2002, 7:20 AM
This is full of really great imagery - your visual imagination is full of marvels - but the poem as a whole doesn't hang together for me. Perhaps you should try tighter structures? This is almost too allusive, to the point of incoherence. But your eyes and ears are finely tuned...
replying on Dying for a Dowry by Blue Magpie
18 Oct 2002, 6:49 AM
The interesting paradox is that when the British banned suttee, they were performing a civilised act (amongst lots of admittedly uncivilised acts) but the Indian culture clung onto it almost as a way of raising to fingers to Imperial rule. But I think most rational people are with the English on this particular question. So where does this leave us in the morally relatvistic world? Is there basic morality, or do we let cultures get on with their own lives? Which leads us to the Arab world and America...
on First Kiss... by loneshadow29
18 Oct 2002, 6:30 AM
I don't think you should lean back on the phrase 'indescribable emotion' - it's the poet's job to describe it, otherwise how can the reader feel it?
on purple and black gangstaz theme tune by rosiebailey
18 Oct 2002, 6:26 AM
Something tells me that these are not the hardest bunch ever - where are you from, Chalfont St Giles?. A Morris Minor? Recasting Margaret Thatcher as an ace rapper is cool.
on The ballad of woosie by rosiebailey
18 Oct 2002, 6:17 AM
You've forced me to revisit a horrible childhood nightmare - little orange singing men. Yikes.
on the girl what gave scott the look by UAFANTHORPEY
18 Oct 2002, 6:12 AM
Your mate Scott is an idiot.
on Ode to Larkbeat Twoshoes by Nicholas Jones
18 Oct 2002, 6:09 AM
I liek the reminiscence and the ending of the poem, but i don't know about the beginning - maybe it seems a bit wordy, and I don't quite see the connection between Vick and you becoming a 'person you can love'. The conversational tone of the rest of it is ace though. And Larkbeat Twoshoes is a fantastic name.
on Stamp by worldsofwar
18 Oct 2002, 1:55 AM
'generally a cheap tramp'?
on Bleeding V2 by INTRANSIT
18 Oct 2002, 1:54 AM
I like the fact that you follow the fishing metaphor all the way through now, and I like the approaching menace of the bears at the end.
replying on On the Swings by Christof
18 Oct 2002, 1:52 AM
Yep, best place for them.
replying on On the Swings by Christof
18 Oct 2002, 1:48 AM
Neither had I until I saw this particularly nauseating couple in the park the other day. All that laughing and giggling and big eyes and yuck. Am I a curmudgeon? very probably.
replying on Bleeding V2 by INTRANSIT
17 Oct 2002, 8:17 AM
Fair enough. But she's quite cute.
replying on Bleeding V2 by INTRANSIT
17 Oct 2002, 8:12 AM
Is that Jewel as in the singer? I had no idea she wrote poetry.