well described.. some of the words are used too many times, though.. that kind of marred the poem

in L14, i suggest you change 'striketh my hand' to sth else as 'strike' means 'hit'...

I like this a great deal.. but in my opinion, stanza 3 leaves a bit to be desired.. bcz i don't quite get what it means..

first line of second stanza.. i think it shld be 'lied to'...

but as i said before... i like it...

agree with shin shuu tt the use of said word made it better...

conjured a pretty picture when i read it..

a number of grammatical errors and spelling mistakes..
maybe after you edit this and write something better.. i might just change my mind about my vote

i like this... it has style...

keep writing...

something i can relate to.. good one here...

but like hywel, i feel funny reading triple ryhme...

his lost. think about it..

don't quite like the second and last stanza, though...

=D

i agree with the points you laid out but maybe you can improve on your spelling? the structure wasn't there as well... so...

i get the picture.. good job...

dun like the title.. but the poem itself is good...

dude.. you are good. keep it up...

Wicked..

Great flow of words..

This is so much better..

Too bland for me. Sorry..

Brought up nice images when I read this but I have to agree with the things Intransit pointed out...

smooth