A nostalgic neighborhood tour with lots of questions for one not acquainted with yours. Mine is very clear too.

A nicely told story. Might want to call it a Prose Poem.

What fun in the dandilions, I remember it well.

Yes, such despair, deprivation, disilusionment and misconception. All is void of hope and any glimmer of happiness. Hey, might as well eat, drink and be merry.

I would only shorten some of the phrases, otherwise great. For example:

narrowed to less than alone,
pulled beneath the ruin of was,
dropped upon the broken promise of forever -
a restless drunken dream

The first verse is great, says it all.

Not bad, like a lyric, could be sung at the opening of the Republican convention.

The thought is good, but the poem could use more of the devices that attract someone unfamiliar with you and your subject. I often say that the spirit of a poem is more important than it's form, but here form is lacking. You've got the hard part, the rest is easy.

Not a single English error that I can see. Wish I could do as well in another language. A good message for poetry and probably comes through as such in your native tongue. English is a clumbsy thing.

Verse 2 is great. The last verse seems trite in comparison.

I counted four spelling and grammar mistakes in the first verse. Yes, I'm a prude. But I also look at content and see a lot here, especially in the last two lines.

I really like the analogies to a river, "like rivers flow downstream and fatten out at the mouth," for example. A long poem, flows well, interseting, but many will not take the time.

An interesting comparison, poetically good, and perhaps statistically accurate. 600 light bulbs per person in LA? Do I commit murder with every downward flip of a switch?

The last 4 lines are especially nice.

I see you pulled into a truc-um-up-stop for a little web-time with the home folks. Well, glad you did, we’re still here, but little’s goin’ on. Mostly, everyone’s ignoring the poems and arguin’ about racism and sex on somebody’s posting. Hit chat if you want. I’ll say your poem is good, and if your’re nice, give a 9 or sompn’. Welcome back.

The last 2 verses could stand better alone. Try leaving out "it is"

To the one you hung up on,
This is not bad at all. Surprised? Not being noticed by someone who should care is a very sad feeling. Sometimes the only one who takes notice is one who should not rightly care. Therein lies the gold in an otherwise sandy desert that it's best to get used to.
"existed" "No one"

"We’ve become the people we swore we'd never be." How many of the young smartoffs on this site will ever say that. Come to think of it, I don’t think I’ll ever say it. “But we’re here despite ourselves” and your song says it well.

The last time I saw you on chat, some jerk calling himself “wiIco” was trying his clumsy hand at impersonation (Notice the capital “I”) Kinda takes the fun out of it ya let it. Oh well, if I had something worthwhile to do, I wouldn’t be on chat. You can always use email.

The magic in love, may it last and last!

You’ve got some complicated wording here. Maybe it’s a first draft, a verbose spilling. Some stuff could be cut/simplified to a better result, unless you have some underhanded urge to confuse. Sometimes I like to get a draft done, post it, keep my mind off it for a day then go back to it and revise. I’m more critical and less attached that way. Ever feel like you haven't quite hit the mark you were shootin for? And the more you mess with a poem the more you see it cripple-like and dwarfed? Sometimes my poems get better in form as I tweak them, but worse in spirit, the law of sacrifice, or the law of political trading. Your poem has good lines and good images, but I have trouble following it.