on some deleted poem
9 Jul 2004, 11:19 AM
You must be bored!
on some deleted poem
9 Jul 2004, 11:26 AM
A good definition. I don't think you are stating a position, just defining the term.
on Innocence Having Been Lost by dougsoderstrom
10 Jul 2004, 2:22 PM
I usually yawn at this sort of political rant.
But it's not a bad rendition of a familiar chant
But it's not a bad rendition of a familiar chant
on Mm, Shoes... ? by fevriere
9 Jul 2004, 4:13 PM
Not much better on rewrite. What really are you trying to say?
on some deleted poem
9 Jul 2004, 11:13 AM
I like this, coming from you, but watch out, for within this confine are those who will call it soppy, mushy, inspired by Lydia Evelyn.
on some deleted poem
9 Jul 2004, 11:19 PM
El trains are noisy and dirty. Finding flowers in their sparks is like admiring the moonlight reflecting in a pool of urine. Good.
on some deleted poem
9 Jul 2004, 3:18 PM
Money is a medium of exchange and a measure of wealth. If you wish to place "love" in money's place and write about it, that's a good idea. But some precision of language is needed to make the point.
on some deleted poem
8 Jul 2004, 1:58 PM
Yep, it's better now.
on Sugared petrol isn't sweet if your ass is black & blue. by Y2kSlamPoet
8 Jul 2004, 2:13 PM
There's a category for Prose Poetry, but I disagree with putting this there. It's too long and too unpoetic even for prose poetry. Try a short story, posted elsewhere.
on A Child Once More by Quarton
8 Jul 2004, 5:07 PM
Though quite touching in its meter and cozy reflection, some childhood recollections don't match up. For example, no "other's truths to embrace or reject," suggests I always agreed with my parents. And I had some "negative thoughts with which to cope." Sometimes I was not "unburdened by sorrow." Well, you get the point, and I'm getting yours - that adult life brings on an unwelcome complexity of worries. But maybe they're just more current.
on some deleted poem
8 Jul 2004, 5:10 PM
Trite as written, but possibly good if you construct it better and give more thought to what you are actually saying.
on I by D. $ Fontera
8 Jul 2004, 10:17 AM
Especially like, "All I have is desperation, and sometimes that's enough to get by on."
on Urbane Jane by MacFrantic
8 Jul 2004, 10:21 AM
I like it all but "confined to." why not give her a choice?
on Mm, Shoes... ? by fevriere
8 Jul 2004, 10:28 AM
"I am raw sugarcane for the eyes," is a great line. If only the others were. Line 2 is a question mark.
on Differences by gavinduff
8 Jul 2004, 10:35 AM
A good story. Some shortening might improve impact.
Verse 2 might go:
A tiny fly walks
In stale alcohol
And poignant tears
I dunno, play with it.
Verse 2 might go:
A tiny fly walks
In stale alcohol
And poignant tears
I dunno, play with it.
on some deleted poem
7 Jul 2004, 10:05 AM
I suppose "lying" is more accurate. It's what we do at deathbeds, damn it. Good poem.
on some deleted poem
6 Jul 2004, 9:08 PM
"It rarely happens"
on Recycled Stardust by Quarton
6 Jul 2004, 1:23 PM
May I interrupt long enough to ask any of you science people a question? Iâm fascinated with the news story that a tiny piece of dust has actually been observed in two places at the same time, a dice-throwing kind of outcome even Einstein feared. Iâm trying to find the person who witnessed this so I can thank him or her. It explains some things Iâd like to incorporate into a poem. Who was that?
on Back Slidin' by Quarton
6 Jul 2004, 2:06 PM
Back slidin' runnin' away, back slidin' comin' home. Good rhythm , a kinda' country feelin'