on Controlled Euthanasia by Dovina
25 Jan 2007, 1:47 PM
Dovina: Inspired by âOne in Ten Thousand,â Athena Workman, GUD. Just click at your left.
on some deleted poem
28 Jan 2007, 2:49 PM
Yes, the last line is bit of a letdown. Best, I think, to conclude this nicely descriptive piece with something like "brushed with finely toxic salt" You can probably think of something better.
on some deleted poem
23 Jan 2007, 7:44 PM
Hate-Bush-Poems are especailly tedious, and more so where they offer no solution, as with this.
on some deleted poem
23 Jan 2007, 7:38 PM
Again, it's not what you are saying that lacks poetic appeal, but mistaken structure. Compassion is from the one kneeling down, not the bird. I know you meant that, but it's not what the poem says.
on some deleted poem
24 Jan 2007, 10:30 AM
S4 I like. It sets the stage for a second reading, and could better be S1, I think. A more descript title might help too. Overall, I followed it, or think I did, and like the concept.
on Yet more woe by Stephen Robins
14 Feb 2007, 9:36 AM
Nothing compounds the shame of having erupted from ordinary gay teacherhood into temporary statutory rape more than the condescending cooing of a delightfully plump cockney poeme. As you lick your fingers, a poor man on his way to an important assignation, you must find a way of cleansing your trousers whilst bewailing lack of moral rectitude and vowing never again to take the short cut through shambles where the temptation of speedy relief from a brazen young wench is all too enticing. 10 (parody? - yes)
on some deleted poem
31 Jan 2007, 9:43 PM
Lose the space after "heart." I was in the oldgrowth redwood forest this summer watching them grow from the bodies of the fallen. A great analogy.
on Out of this crowd a mistress or a friend by Prince of Void
31 Jan 2007, 9:48 PM
I thought life was ok; now I'm depressed. Thanks, even the cold rain outside will feel better.
on some deleted poem
14 Feb 2007, 9:14 AM
Here we have the sensible view of a practical man, where distinctions between thoughts and things, present and absent, knower and object, are all fixed and obvious from common sense. He knows the difference between real and imaginary, genuine knowledge and mere opinion. But would not such a man consider the 3 he mistakenly adorned on a ânon-poemâ and change it to the deserved 0 by now? Or is non-admission of mistaken impulse contained in what lesser life doesnât understand?
on To my Valentine by Lola
14 Feb 2007, 9:17 AM
Very touching, you two, but hardly of general interest. Enjoy your love.
on Topography by MacFrantic
14 Feb 2007, 9:39 AM
"Beauty belongs in the distraction" Nice line.
on Stopped Cold by coldiron
6 Feb 2007, 11:22 AM
You can, and may have, walked his paths: http://travel.sulekha.com/hampshire/site
Heâs one of the few poets who never fool around, never stick in a silly piece out of boredom, and almost always say at least two worthwhile truths in every line. His writing is dark, or dour as you say, if you wish to see it darkly, or not see the light. I hope only to approach his weight and buoyancy, two forces acting oppositely, where a small nudge makes all the difference.
Good reflection.
Heâs one of the few poets who never fool around, never stick in a silly piece out of boredom, and almost always say at least two worthwhile truths in every line. His writing is dark, or dour as you say, if you wish to see it darkly, or not see the light. I hope only to approach his weight and buoyancy, two forces acting oppositely, where a small nudge makes all the difference.
Good reflection.
on Tea,One Night Stands and Smores by Bethy
6 Feb 2007, 11:36 AM
A good moving story. Tense conflict - might be best to make it all present tense, but you could just eliminate the few out-of-past-tense verbs. Also, quote marks are inconsistent - I'd use them on all quotes. And spacing - yes, a space after every comma. I like it though.
on The Medium of Dunce by Ranger
12 Feb 2007, 6:18 PM
I stumbled over the âNotâ in line 4. Omitting it makes a better read for me, but you probably have something else in mind, perhaps that she doesnât understand the visions in the glass, but can only speak them. Also, the semicolons distract, and would better become commas for this reader. I love line 2 = 8. Well crafted.
on some deleted poem
12 Feb 2007, 10:41 AM
Good flow and driving story. No diversions â thatâs good. âThis is wrongâ â a line that might be self-questioning, especially with your âmoralisticâ comment, but could mean just âineffective methods.â Itâs good to leave that open. Well done.
on some deleted poem
8 Feb 2007, 7:17 PM
on A Cautionary Tale by Tman
8 Feb 2007, 7:23 PM
What is the "either of sleep"?
on Out alone in the winter rain by Prince of Void
8 Feb 2007, 7:26 PM
Just a minor suggested revision:
Out alone in the winter rain
Happiness is high there, sky is up
I remember those tears of joy had hidden
Behind drops of rain
Iâm still singing in the rain
And all memories flow upward
Inside consuming bliss.
Cheers
Out alone in the winter rain
Happiness is high there, sky is up
I remember those tears of joy had hidden
Behind drops of rain
Iâm still singing in the rain
And all memories flow upward
Inside consuming bliss.
Cheers